


help me breathe again

by vlossoms



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Discrimination, Fluff, Homelessness, Hospitals, Hybrids, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Nonverbal Character, Nonverbal Communication, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Rape/Non-con Elements, Recovery, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:08:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29242593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vlossoms/pseuds/vlossoms
Summary: The snow falls down all around him, a beautiful sight for most only serving to remind Kevin of the dangers of being so exposed to the elements. His ears flatten against his head in a desperate bid for warmth, tail tucked in close as his eyes flick around nervously. He’s slouched against the building in some dingy back alley way, tattered jacket hanging precariously off of his trembling shoulders. There’s a chill in the air that seeps into his bones and leaves him with a cold he just can’t escape.The fact of the matter is, though, is that no matter how cold he may be, no matter how drenched his clothes may be from the snowfall, he’s better off here than at the old Master’s house.--AKA the massive, slowburn, long-winded road to recovery fic for our dear fox kevin. He has a long road ahead of him, and I hope you are willing to come along for the ride!
Relationships: Bae Joonyoung | Jacob/Moon Hyungseo | Kevin
Comments: 41
Kudos: 101





	1. an introduction; hold tight (ab6ix)

**Author's Note:**

> First things first: As seen in the tags, there are very brief, very lightly described/mentioned scenes of forced prostitution. It is entirely skippable, it's not *necessary* for the plot at all, they are merely just little flashbacks to give a hint as to why Kevin is the way he is now. These sections are marked with an indentation + italicization. Please, if I failed to tag anything appropriately, do not hesitate to comment or message me on my twitter account, and I will gladly update the tags!
> 
> As usual, not beta'd, this is a chaptered wip, so I'll need a little extra bullying every once in a while so I don't abandon this fic to the gods.
> 
> Please feel free to follow me [here](https://twitter.com/sunrisecobi) or [here!](https://twitter.com/cobidilf)

The snow falls down all around him, a beautiful sight for most only serving to remind Kevin of the dangers of being so exposed to the elements. His ears flatten against his head in a desperate bid for warmth, tail tucked in close as his eyes flick around nervously. He’s slouched against the building in some dingy back alley way, tattered jacket hanging precariously off of his trembling shoulders. There’s a chill in the air that seeps into his bones and leaves him with a cold he just can’t escape. 

The fact of the matter is, though, is that no matter how cold he may be, no matter how drenched his clothes may be from the snowfall, he’s better off here than at the old Master’s house. And, while he longs for his missing friend, he knows deep down that wherever Chanhee is, it’s got to be better than that hell on earth they escaped from. A little bit of frozen rain and a slight breeze isn’t enough to have him running back to the “shelter” with his tail between his legs- not even close. 

He will stand strong against the weird leers he gets from creepy old men, the disdain from stuffy old women and the stares he gets from kids without a filter. As long as he can maintain his pride in his mind, and his determination to be unflappable in the harshness of the world, he can pretend like the ghosts of disgusting hands aren’t crawling over his skin. 

Tucked into this tiny little back alley where he is now, he probably looks every bit of the scared little animal people view him as. He’s hungry, he’s tired, he’s drained- some creature is rustling through the garbage behind him and each little movement has him jumping out of his skin. The fur on his ears and tail is matted and the points of his teeth ache to have something substantial to chew on, something that isn’t the weight of his own nails between his teeth. 

He props himself up against the wall, heaving a shuddering sigh at the bone-chilling cold slowly sinking in. At this point, he’s more concerned of falling victim to exposure than hunger or even a stray asshole looking to start a fight. He hopes, as his eyes flutter shut and his tail wraps around his hip, that Chanhee is surviving- he hopes he’s living and happy and is taken care of. 

It’s easy to lose the fight against the exhaustion weighing him down, head lolling to the side as he falls asleep. Images flash rapid-fire through his brain as a last ditch effort to remind him of the absolute nightmare he endured for years. Hands with their grip imprinted in his flesh, in his psyche- words dripping with venom and spit harshly into the dimly lit rooms his body was sold in. He was never more than a profit device, and when he lost his merit- well, it was easy to buy his freedom at that point. 

> _Thumbs dig into the dips of his waist, grip too strong and bruising in its harshness. Lips at his neck, hot and stale air puffing against his skin as some stranger breathes heavily above him, hips smacking loudly against the burning flesh of his ass._
> 
> _He’s good. He doesn’t struggle anymore, hasn’t for years. He doesn’t get tips if he struggles. Good boys stay still for their Master to use._
> 
> _He doesn’t even cry out at the hand tugging at the base of his tail. The fingers pulling at his ears, the weight of the man suffocating him into the pathetic excuse of a mattress. It smells like cigarette smoke and depression, the scent of bodily fluids and even blood stale and rank in the thick air around them._
> 
> _Some of the newbies haven’t learned yet. In one of the other rooms, he can hear someone crying and an angry voice followed by the resounding_ slap _of flesh meeting flesh. The man on top of him grunts, drowning out the sounds as he pushes his face further into the crappy bed._
> 
> _It’s almost over. He can tell by the way the man’s hips are stuttering and his thrusts are shaky, and it’s with his great pleasure that it eventually comes to an end with the other man spilling over his bruised and reddened backside. He’s not sure how long he lays there even after the man leaves, because good toys don’t move, before the door cracks open again and Chanhee steps in front of his eyes._
> 
> _No words are spoken as the other hybrid slowly works on cleaning him up. They don’t cry anymore- there’s no room for tears, not when they have to stay strong for each other. The leopard hybrid is gentle, oh so gentle as he gently wipes away any physical trace of the man’s hands on his body- but nothing will ever ease the mental trauma._
> 
> _Only the worst clients are reserved a special memory- the vivid weight of their touch burned into his brain. Most are nameless, faceless and phantom in their substance- but it’s still enough to leave him on edge and tense at the feeling of another’s hands on his body. Even now, as Chanhee hums him a quiet song and brushes delicately through the knotted fur on his ears, he’s on edge._
> 
> _He doesn’t cry, but the burning behind his eyes and the hiccup swallowed tight in his throat almost make him wish he would._

He jolts awake, head knocking against the dilapidated brick wall hard as he pushes himself upright, ears standing high on alert. He’s bristling, blinking the haze of unfocus out of his sleepy eyes in a desperate attempt to figure out what _threat_ is lurking unseen. Tucking his legs in close to his body, he frowns, looking around at the inches of snow that fell throughout the night. 

He doesn’t like snow- it’s not pretty, not when he’s trapped in it with no escape. His little overhang barely protected him from the falling flurries, but now the ground is soaked as snow begins to melt, leaving him cold and damp. All he can do during the day is people-watch from his tiny little spot and try and stay warm enough to make it through the much colder nights. 

Is he being watched? His skin is still bristling with the weight of unknown eyes on him, but he can’t seem to figure out where it’s coming from. Shifting uncomfortably, he bites back a whine at the stiffness in his bones from being hunched over in the cold. He slowly stretches out his arms first, wiggling his fingers to get the feeling back into his digits. He needs to find food today, something to ease his aching stomach- something to push some strength back into his exhausted body. 

Rummaging through the trash never lends him anywhere good, so he’s mostly resorted to stealing scraps where he can. Rarely the shop owners pity him enough to willingly give over their scrap product, but usually they just shoo him away with contempt and distaste in their tone. As if he’s something to be hated because of humans who condemned him to live this tragic life of nothingness. 

When he can feel all of his fingers and toes again, he lurches to his feet unsteadily, his tattered little jacket hanging lamely off his shoulders. There’s barely any life left to it, some pathetic old thing a family threw out after years of use- but it’s all he has. His tail droops as he stumbles out onto the sidewalk, a sure sign of his overall wellness (or lack thereof, in this case). 

He’s a mess, shaggy and unkempt and pitiful as he slowly makes his way towards the rows of shops up the street. As he walks, most people avoid him like the plague- as if they will catch his misfortune by sharing a space with him. He sees hybrids like himself carted around on leashes, lifeless eyes staring blankly at their owners as they are dragged along on whatever outing the human wishes for. 

His ears twitch at the sounds of chatter around him, an unconscious thing he sometimes wishes would stop. The scent of delicious food bombards his senses the closer he gets to the little street full of stores, nearly making his mouth water. He knows his way around the back alleys of the streets, shuffling along with his only mission being food. 

He takes to rifling through the trash first anyways, pleased to find a few pieces of bread that are relatively edible. He’s eventually shooed off anyways by the angry shop owner, hearing the sound of something digging through the trash through the cracked open back door. He cowers from the man’s angry voice, flinching away with his limited finds stowed in the pocket of his jacket. 

He can already tell today is going to be a rough day, the snow hasn’t stopped and it’s blisteringly cold. The little energy he has is sapped from the exertion of just shuffling along carefully through the icy alleyways. Munching on his stale piece of bread, he makes his way around the back towards the little coffee shop he always wished he could go inside of. The shop interior radiates warmth, a soft glow from the lanterns on the little tables, the scent of espresso in the air. 

He tries to avoid the urge to press his face against the window, hoping to leech any warmth from the building as possible. There’s nothing salvageable in the trash, there never is, but sometimes he curls up against the back door where a little bit of heat escapes. The owner of the little shop is usually kind, warm and soft eyes shining as they offer a hot chocolate or a small cup of tea. 

As he tucks himself into the tiny space between the back door and the dumpster, he heaves a weary sigh as he stares down at the small pieces of bread. It has to last him awhile, he usually only braves the streets once a week. He’s learned the schedules of most of the businesses, the best days to find anything of substance thrown away so carelessly. Humans can be so wasteful, he thinks bitterly as he picks little pieces of bread off. 

The back door to the coffee shop opens, making him flinch and curl in even closer to the cold metal of the dumpster. The last thing he needs right now is to anger the owner and be ran off the property. A person he doesn’t recognize startles at the sight of him, his ears flattening out and eyes blowing wide with fear. 

He realizes disjointedly that in his panic, he reflexively squeezed tight around the bread in his grasp, afraid of losing his only food. The stranger dips back inside, voices picking up through the wall that he can’t make out. Looking down at the ruined food in his hands, he finds himself biting back a sob. He’s not sure if he can find anything to replace his loss, not in such a slow time of the year- there’s barely been anything as it is. 

He doesn’t often wish he wasn’t born the way he was, the pointed ears and bushy tail the mail culprits of his issues, but he finds himself falling into that slump. It would be so easy to give up, wouldn’t it? He could turn himself in at a hybrid shelter and be resold off into the clutches of some horribly bastard, or he could simply succumb to the elements out here in the back alley of a less traveled street. 

The door bursts open beside him again, warm air falling over him in a rush and making him shiver. He’s long stopped noticing the way his body trembles, the pathetic shaking he’s always doing- because that’s what he is, pathetic. 

The person he doesn’t recognize crouches down in the doorway, Kevin’s eyes trailing up towards the hand stretched out towards him. Cowering back against the metal, he shuts his eyes and waits for the worst- because that’s what always happens. He flinches at the weight of something covering his shoulders, warmth and one of the sweetest scents he’s ever had the pleasure of smelling washing over him in waves. 

Unconsciously, he sinks into the warmth, the weight of a coat covering his shaking body. It’s then that he realizes the stranger is talking, his ears picking up bits and pieces of panicked speech through the ringing. He thinks the man in front of him must be some sort of angel, voice soft and tender even though he’s clearly worried about Kevin’s state, where he’s smushed against the dumpster and clutching at a ruined piece of moldy bread. 

It’s hard to answer though, when he’s so tired and hungry. He’s leaning pathetically towards the open door bleeding warmth into freezing cold air, soaking in the way it feels on his body. Eventually the stranger gets up, shuffling back inside quickly- although, he does notice that strangely enough, he leaves the door propped open for Kevin to bask in the warmth. 

He feels like he could easily fall asleep like this, a strangers coat hanging precariously on his shoulders and leaning against the brick wall of the coffee shop. Voices come closer again, his ears flicking towards the sound. He thinks he recognizes one of them, and blearily he blinks his eyes open to see the handsome stranger again and the owner of the shop. 

The owner looks worried, reaching out a hand and brushing his hair gently back from his forehead. He’s still shaking, tugging the coat around him tighter as the two discuss something in front of him. His eyes fall shut again where he’s leaned against the wall, and it’s so, so hard to fight back the urge to fall into the comfort of sleep. 

He’s a bit floaty as he sits there, falling in and out of consciousness. The two voices sound so concerned, panic rising as Kevin remains mostly unresponsive, and he hates knowing that he’s the cause of someone’s distress. He wants to be able to answer them, but it’s just so hard to open his eyes anymore- so he gives in, just once. For just once, he gives in, caves into the comforting pull of sleep dragging at his mind. He hates that the last thing he hears is worried shouts as he slumps forward, nearly cracking his head on the stairs in front of him. 


	2. the start; try (paul kim)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendly reminder once again to be safe while reading. There is a brief description of a panic attack, which starts with "He startles awake.." and ends at "...offering a cup of water with a gentle smile."

The floaty feeling is back, tugging at his conscience as an annoying beeping repeats endlessly in his ears. It’s too loud, too much and he wishes he could escape from the annoying noise. The first time he tries to blink his eyes open, he recoils from the brightness of the lights above him, whining in distress. 

There’s a movement to the side of him and he flinches at the sudden weight of a hand touching him. 

“Hey, calm down, it’s okay,” a voice rasps, quickly moving to the side and turning down the volume of the obnoxious beeping noise. He’s laying on his back on probably the most comfortable thing he’s ever laid on, with soft blankets covering him up. He feels a pinch in his hand when he moves, though he’s not sure what’s causing it. 

He blinks his eyes open again, squinting at the harsh light as his ears fall flat against his head. The way his tail in pinned uncomfortably behind his body is starting to be annoying as well, and he moves to turn on his side before a hand stops him. 

“Hold on, little one,” the same voice from before whispers, a smile teasing the weight of his words. “Do you know where you’re at?” 

He shakes his head, eyes moving around the room nervously. He’s on edge now, as he takes in the all white everything and the strong scent of cleaner makes his nose scrunch up. 

“You’re in the hospital, one of my nurses brought you here a couple of nights ago,” the man says, stepping just in front of his vision. He frowns, eyes falling to the sheets covering him, noticing the little bandage covering his hand with a tube sticking out. 

This must be what’s pinching him every time he moves, he thinks. He doesn’t know why he’s here, what’s going on, and it’s starting to overwhelm him a bit. 

The stranger in the room with him sighs softly, crouching down next to his bed with soft eyes. “I know it’s a lot for you to take in,” he starts, voice caring and so, so gentle in the harshness of the room around them. “But you were really sick, and you needed some medical help, so we took care of you.” 

He nods, ears perking up a bit as the man speaks. He’s handsome, with thick, straight eyebrows and a charming nose and his eyes fall to the little ID badge clipped to his white coat. The man notices his eyes and smiles, eyes crinkling up into little crescents as he introduces himself. 

“Dr. Lee Sangyeon, but you can just call me Sangyeon,” the stranger, now Sangyeon, hums. “We’re friends now, so it’s only fair!” 

He watches as Sangyeon moves around the room, dimming the lights just a bit and making sure the machines are just a little bit quieter- something he appreciates immensely. The doctor is kind enough to help ease him onto his side, keeping careful to not pull at any of the needles in his right arm. The feeling of his tail finally being free feels amazing and he sighs, snuggling down into the pillow under his head. 

“I’ll have the nurse bring you another pillow and blanket when lunch comes up, alright?” Sangyeon calls as he heads towards the door. He nods in response, not trusting to use his voice after so long of being silent. “If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to press that little button on the side of the bed, okay? It’s there so I can come help you.” 

With a final nod from Kevin, the doctor leaves, off to do whatever it is that he does, and he’s alone again. He’s used to being alone, so it doesn’t even feel that unusual, but he does wish that he had Chanhee by his side. He wonders where Chanhee is right now, and he misses him so dearly- his rock, his strength, and he doesn’t know where he is. 

It shocks him at first when he feels the wetness at his eyes, when the tears fall onto the little pillow under his head. He hasn’t cried in years, a defense mechanism he learned to live with. Crying meant weakness, and in his line of work at the time, well- weakness got you hurt. 

He doesn’t even know how long he lays there, shaking as quiet sobs rack his body and tears roll down his face. All he wants is comfort- the presence of Chanhee, his mother, anything really. He doesn’t even know what’s going to come next after this. Does he leave the warmth and protection of the hospital and fight his way back onto the streets, where he risks losing it all, all over again? 

The door sliding open startles him, fur standing on end on his ears and tail as a vaguely familiar stranger walks into the room. He watches intently as the newcomer wheels in a cart, dark blue scrubs covering his body. 

“I’m glad to see you’re awake,” the stranger says with a smile, a folded blanket and a pillow in his arms. So this must be the nurse Sangyeon mentioned earlier- but how long has it been? He doesn’t even know what time it was when he woke up, let alone how much time has passed since then. He feels so useless, and he shrinks in on himself at the realization of just how little he truly understands. 

The nurse frowns softly, walking over and gently laying the blanket down over Kevin’s shaky form. “I brought you something to eat,” the nurse whispers softly. His nose immediately twitches as it picks up the scent of something almost mouthwatering in the air. The change is quick, the way he struggles to push himself upright urging the nurse to step in quickly to help. 

Between the two of them, they manage to prop Kevin up with a couple of pillows behind his back, the little food tray in his lap. “It’s not much, but you haven’t eaten much for a while, so we have to start you out small, I’m sorry.” The nurse seems genuinely apologetic as he rips open the little cup of soup, diving in frantically and almost groaning at the taste. 

The nurse laughs softly, pulling up a chair beside his bed and sitting down at his side. “I’m going to talk while you eat, okay?” A simple nod is all he receives as he continues to uncover all of the food on his little tray. 

“I’m a nurse here, as you probably guessed. My name is Ju Haknyeon, but please, just call me Haknyeon- as Sangyeon mentioned earlier, we are friends.” The nurse pauses, letting the words sink in as Kevin chews mindlessly at a piece of bread. He watches Haknyeon with curious eyes as he struggles to gather his words. 

“I was the one who brought you in.” Another nod, another spoonful of soup. “I was visiting a friend at the coffee shop, and when I went to step outside- there you were, curled up against the building. You were pretty much unresponsive and I was worried about hypothermia, so I brought you here.”

His ears flatten in apology, knowing that the kind man went through all of that to bring him to safety. Haknyeon’s eyes soften, looking down at his hands before speaking up again. “You don’t have anywhere to go, do you?” 

He shakes his head dejectedly, picking at the last piece of bread. He doesn’t- not anywhere that isn’t the streets, that is. He’s worried that if anyone finds out about his past, they will send him back to his old masters-

The nurse pulls him out of his rapidly spiraling thoughts when he speaks up again. “I’m going to make you an offer, if you’ll consider taking it,” Haknyeon sighs, sitting up straight in the chair. “You’ll be here for a little while, you’re completely malnourished and you were very sick, but after... I’ll help you find somewhere safe to go, but you’ll have to stay with me until we find somewhere.” 

He blinks, turning in confusion towards the other man. It’s one of the few times he wishes he could speak up, unsure and wary of trusting someone so new. But at the same time, Haknyeon brought him here when he could have just left him to suffer in the cold, like so many others had. 

The nurse must sense his unease, because he offers a kind smile. “I’m sure you don’t trust me, and that’s okay, I understand. But you won’t be the first person I’ve helped, if that eases your worries. I like helping people, it’s why I do what I do.”

There’s something in Haknyeon’s voice that begs to be heard, to be trusted, and he wishes he could fall into it so easily. Nothing he’s ever had in life was easy, so it’s hard to believe it now. 

“You don’t have to decide now, but once you get better- I really hope you’ll allow me to help you. I don’t want to see you like that ever again,” the nurse sighs. “I’ll make sure you know you can trust me, alright? I’m not going to hurt you like the others have.”

With his tray cleaned of any crumbs or scraps, Haknyeon helps him lay back down with his extra blankets keeping him nice and cozy. “You should rest,” the nurse hums, straightening some things around the room before heading back towards the door. “I’ll be just outside at the counter, so if you need anything, I’m right there, okay?” 

Kevin just turns over, facing away from the door and curls up tightly. He feels like he doesn’t deserve to be here, with someone so willing to help him- it feels like there’s a catch. He’s been abused for so long that nothing comes easy, it all comes with a price, and he’s not sure he wants to find out about what the price is. 

He thinks it would be best if after he’s released he just goes back wherever he can. He doesn’t want to go back to his old life, but at least there he knew his place and where he belonged. Heaving a sigh, he curls up tightly and tries to ignore the way he’s dangerously underweight, the way his bones stick out in places most people would have a little bit of extra weight. 

Eventually he falls asleep like that, curled in on himself and trying to pretend the needles in his arm aren’t protesting from where they are pressed into the skin. His sleep is plagued with nightmares and bad memories, the phantom touch of unwelcome hands and bitter words cursed by angry men. 

> _“We can’t stay like this anymore,” Chanhee mumbles, nails scratching at the base of Kevin’s ear. It feels good to be comforted by the other hybrid, to the point where Kevin can almost forget the lingering feeling of a stranger’s hands on his body. “Have you been saving well?”_
> 
> _Kevin nods, pushing his head against the weight of Chanhee’s fingers in his hair. “Good... I almost have enough for myself, and then I can help you.” He sighs, pressing his cheek against Chanhee's thigh and tucking his tail in close behind him. "We are gonna get out of here and have a good life, I promise you that."_
> 
> _Chanhee's soft words whispered above him almost sound too good to be true, especially with the soft cries in the background, echoing from rooms farther away. It's a noise that's common in the late hours, when other hybrids think no one can hear them- but it's an unspoken courtesy to give them their peace._
> 
> _"Get some sleep, Moonie," Chanhee whispers, fingertips brushing through the fur on his ears. "We have a long day tomorrow."_
> 
> _He tries not to shudder at the implication of the words- he knows they have a handful of problem clients due to make their rounds. It's hard not to stress, but with his cheek pillowed against the softness of Chanhee's lap, it's a little easier to fall into empty dreams._

He startles awake at the feeling of hands on his body, carried out from the dream he was lost in. Flinching away from the touch, he can hear the sound of himself breathing heavily with panic and he knows his eyes are blown wide. He struggles to focus in on the sight of Haknyeon at the side of his hospital bed, eyes unfocused and blurry from tears.

"It's okay," he can hear Haknyeon mumbling over and over again, hands hovering by Kevin's side. "I didn't mean to scare you, I'm sorry."

The nurse sounds so upset and concerned and Kevin can't help but feel like a monster, knowing that he freaked out over the simple touch of someone's skin on his. His ears twitch with anxiety, heavy with an unspoken apology as he attempts to get his breathing back in order.

"Breathe in with me," Haknyeon whispers, breathing in slow and deep and gently encouraging Kevin to follow along. With each deliberate inhale and exhale, he can feel his heart rate returning to normal and he doesn't feel as much like he's going to fall back into panic. "There we go, that's better," the nurse hums, offering a cup of water with a gentle smile. 

He sips pathetically at his little cup, still shaken up from his dream. He's not sure he can ever escape the demons that haunt him, the ghostly hands roaming over skin that barely feels like his own anymore. Haknyeon's eyes soften as they roam over Kevin's face- but it's not with pity. 

The nurse seems genuinely concerned for him as he would towards a friend or family, and frankly it's a foreign feeling. Haknyeon only offers him a sweet smile, his hand patting the bed beside his leg. "I know it's hard to believe, but I meant it when I said I wouldn't hurt you," Haknyeon assures softly. "I only want to help you get through this."

He's silent, ears lowered in submission and acceptance- because he does truly think the nurse means him no harm. But his fears and his demons still haunt him, and it's difficult to separate those ghosts from the weight of the real world. His eyes meet Haknyeon's as the nurse goes to stand, trying to convey his sincerity through a simple expression. He's sure he succeeds when Haknyeon returns his gaze with yet another of his charming smiles, the one that makes it seem like the world can be filled with sunshine. 

"Try and get some more sleep," Haknyeon murmurs as he makes to leave, Kevin's big brown eyes following his every movement. He's not entirely sure he'll be able to sleep again, not with the last remnants of his nightmare still clinging to edges of his mind. The nurse makes his way back to the little desk a few feet down the hallway, and Kevin lets his thoughts wander. 

It would be so much easier if he wasn't so terrified of the slightest human touch, if he didn't flinch away from any amount of kindness. He's afraid he's going to get too used to the softness of the blankets and the filling meals and be unable to make it when he inevitably loses it all. 

\--

The next week is punctuated with nightmares and stress, most of his days and nights spent tossing and turning and unable to sleep from the demons lurking in the corner. Haknyeon does his best to try and ease some of the anxiety though, always sure to sneak him an extra snack or two on his meal trays and a few extra blankets. 

He even manages to bring in some comfortable clothes, a couple of pairs of loose fitting sweatpants with a hole cut out of the back for his tail to push through, as well as some oversized shirts that smell vaguely familiar. He can't quite place the scent until he remembers the jacket Haknyeon had tucked around his shoulders, that night outside of the coffee shop- the same scent is etched into the shirts, and he can't help but bury his nose in the soft cotton and breathe in deep. 

It's so calming and reassuring, warmth and comfort nearly palpable in the air. If Haknyeon notices the way Kevin spends most of the afternoon curled up with the shirts, he doesn't say anything- he simply offers a smile and moves on. He would be embarrassed, but there's nothing to be embarrassed of; he's looking for comfort wherever he can find it, and the nurse surely isn't going to take that away from him.

He eats well, and frequently, happy and content with a somewhat regular diet. Haknyeon likes to give him little treats as rewards for taking care of himself, and he can feel himself growing a little more fond towards the sweet nurse every day. He smiles when he hears Haknyeon humming from down the hallway, or playing around with the other nurses at the desk- and the sight of his smile only serves to put a matching one on Haknyeon's face. 

It's hard not to be charmed by such a sweet smile. 


	3. trust? (you too - chase atlantic)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, Kevin's flashback is marked with italicization and indented, so please, if any of the tags could trigger you, please be safe! 
> 
> TW for a small description of a panic attack, which starts with "He's never gotten to ride around in cars,..." and ends with "...chewing at his lip until it's bitten raw."

It starts to be easy for him to fall into a weird semblance of trust with Haknyeon, the nurse often spending many of his break times squeezed into the little chair to the side of his bed. Haknyeon is more than willing to fill the silence between them with his cheerful conversations, ranging anywhere from his hobby in dancing and his friendship with Younghoon, the owner of the quaint little coffee shop. 

He learns that while he's still unsure of Haknyeon's closeness and touchiness with his friends, it doesn't send him into pits of panic he can't claw his way out of anymore. He slowly gains weight back, and the invisible deadline of his departure from the safety of the hospital looms overhead. Haknyeon doesn't pressure him, he barely even brings the subject up- but he knows the offer remains. 

And where during those first few days, all he wanted was to get as far away as possible- he knows now that he's hopelessly attached to the nurse, and he's _scared_. He's scared of being back on the streets alone, back in the cold and rain. He's also scared he's never going to find Chanhee at this point, that his friendship is lost for good, and the thought has him withdrawing in on himself a little more each day. 

He misses the comfort, the way Chanhee always knew how to ease his mind. He didn't need to speak to be understood, and although Haknyeon doesn't even seem to be phased by his muteness, he still knows it's hard. He can't figure out how to get what he wants across to the sweet nurse. They learned quickly on that Kevin is horribly behind on any kind of learning- he can't read or write, and he only knows what he does now because it benefitted him in the system. 

But none of that matters to Haknyeon- they both laugh and enjoy what they can, even through the barriers. He's got a blinding smile on his face, pointed canines showing in the mid-morning sunlight and Haknyeon looks a bit awed by the adorable picture he must paint. With a little bit of weight in his cheeks and the healthy sheen to the soft, cream colored fur on his ears and tail- he looks healthy. 

"You're so cute," Haknyeon grins, cooing at the flush that he can feel building up under his skin. He puffs his cheeks out cutely in response, tail fluffing up behind him. The first time Haknyeon had said those words, he had shrunk in on himself- the words digging up harsh memories of clients demanding him because he was _the_ _cutest_. He's been learning that his memories can be rebuilt though, a newer set of better thoughts moving in slowly. 

They both look up as a soft knocking sounds on the door, confusion dropping the smile on his face when Sangyeon's head pops in the room. "Hey, can we discuss a few things?" The doctor asks softly, eyes focused on Kevin where he's sat cross-legged on top of the bed. He pouts, eyes wide in confusion as his ears droop a bit. 

Haknyeon moves to stand, clearing away some of their trash from lunch. It shocks both of them when Kevin reaches out, fingers curling around Haknyeon's wrist without a care in the world. The nurse meets his eyes before sighing softly with a smile, turning towards the doctor in the doorway. "Do I need to leave for this?"

Sangyeon chuckles lightly with a shake of his head. "If he wants you here, then you should stay." Kevin grins, bright white canines just barely showing through again. "Well, first things first, we are lucky we were finally able to get some sort of ID on you. You didn't have anything on you when you came in, so it's been a bit tricky working through the situation with our circumstances." Sangyeon starts, pulling up a chair and sitting at Kevin's left side. "So, it's nice to formally meet you, Kevin," he jokes, eyes crinkling up sweetly.

He offers a shaky smile in return, tail twitching even as his fingers grip on a little tighter around Haknyeon's wrist. He nods for Sangyeon to continue, listening intently as he speaks up again. "You've recovered well, and truthfully, you're pretty much free to go at any point- but I want to discuss some options for you... I don't want to see you back on the streets, or, worst case- in my hospital again."

His ears fall flat, frowning at the thought of losing the guaranteed safety of the hospital. Haknyeon meets his eyes, speaking up quietly in the tense air. "My home is still open, if you want- otherwise, we can try and find something else for you, if you'd rather..."

His grip tightens again, fingers squeezing at Haknyeon's arm once before relaxing his grip. He was worried for a while that the streets would be his only option- but, he's hopeless now. The thought of losing Haknyeon from his life, of losing himself when he has an opportunity to grow, it's enough to turn his stomach. 

Haknyeon looks almost awed by his determined acceptance, the fire in his pretty brown eyes sending a message. "Well," the nurse laughs breathlessly, turning back towards Sangyeon. "We appear to have figured that part out at least."

The doctor grins, evidently pleased with the growth Kevin is already starting to make. "If you're both sure that's what you want to do, then I'm glad to discharge you as soon as we can. But I do want to recommend one thing- I think it would be good for you to find someone to work with you, Kevin. Someone who can help you work through some of your trauma."

He nods, rolling the words around in his mind. He thinks it makes sense, but he's unsure how to go about getting help when he can't even communicate. Haknyeon's free hand comes up, covering his own that's still wrapped around his arm with a soft touch. The gesture is comforting and welcome, something that eases a little bit of the distress bleeding into his form. 

"I think that's pretty much it though," Sangyeon sighs, standing up with a relaxed smile. "If you want, I can have it to where he's set to discharge when you end shift tonight, Haknyeon." 

Haknyeon agrees easily at the nod from Kevin and Sangyeon is quick to leave after that with a promise to return later that day. He loses the fight against a yawn, ears flattening behind him as he stretches out. The nurse coos at him, urging him to lay down and take a nap to help pass the time quicker. 

"I'll be back to check on you later, I do have to get back to work though," Haknyeon laughs, making sure to lay the blankets over him in a way to keep him nice and cozy. At this point, the only bit of him poking out of the blankets are his eyes and the big cream ears atop his head, and the sight of it makes Haknyeon giggle, ruffling his hair before he steps away. He prides himself on barely even flinching at the feeling, and he's a forever grateful that the nurse doesn't try and push his luck and mess with the sensitive fur of his ears.

He lets himself dose in and out of consciousness for awhile, floating idly in his thoughts. It feels good to have a plan, even if it's one little thing, laid out in front of him. He just hopes he doesn't mess anything up and end up ruining the only good thing he's had in his life so far. 

> _He bites back a sob as harsh hands push and pull him around the way they want, bruises pressed into red and tender skin. This is one of their rougher clients, but he tips well, so Kevin lays still and easy, tail lifted and exposing himself for the disgusting man to do as he pleases with his body. It's easiest for him to just shut down, to turn off his mind and let it happen._
> 
> _It gets harder though, when the client is particularly determined to pretend he's interested. So pretend he does, letting out fake little moans and whimpers, anything to help the process along. He hates this the most, the way he always feels so bruised and beaten down and broken at the end._
> 
> _As the man behind him grunts and groans, plastering his sweaty chest against his body, Kevin fights_ _the urge to vomit. If he thinks about how he only has to survive this personal hell for one more month, it helps him detach from his current situation._ One more month _, he thinks, and he and Chanhee will be free._

Haknyeon rouses him from his off and on sleep gently, his eyes blinking open slowly in the onset of dusk over their section of the world. Sangyeon is finishing scribbling something on his chart, and he sits up to see Haknyeon with his few sets of clothes already packed in a little bag. 

"I didn't want to wake you up while you were sleeping so good," Haknyeon explains quietly, recognizing the dazed and drowsy look in his eyes. "But you are pretty much good to go now."

He lets Haknyeon help him to his feet, ears and tail perking up at the thought of having a home, somewhere to stay. Sangyeon discharges him with a smile on his face and with the promise that if for some reason things don’t work out, he comes to him first, and Kevin feels a bit overwhelmed with all of the kindness that’s been directed at him. He’s happy to feel a little bit more as if he belongs somewhere, and he hopes to make it last as long as he can. 

He clings close to Haknyeon's side as he leads the way down the hallways, eyes wide and ears twitching at each little sound that catches his attention. It's cold when they step outside and head towards the parking garage, and he shudders at the chill the takes him over. Without a second thought, Haknyeon shrugs off his jacket and tucks it around Kevin's shoulders, and it sends him rocketing back to that night outside of the cafe once again. The warmth around his upper half feels amazing and this time, the jacket is drenched in what is undoubtedly Haknyeon's scent.

Haknyeon just grins at him, leading him to the cute little silver Prius parked off to the side of the garage and helping him into the passenger seat. Kevin looks around, shifting in his seat and trying to find a way to leave his tail from getting squished. He's looking out of the window at the other cars parked in rows when Haknyeon climbs into the driver's seat and starts the car, the engine purring to life and startling him.

He's never gotten to ride around in cars, so the situation is new and confusing to him, and before he knows what's happening, he can feel the panic setting in. Haknyeon pauses from trying to help Kevin buckle in, turning worried eyes onto him where he's half clawing at the seatbelt. 

"Hey, hey, it's okay, nothing in here is going to hurt you," Haknyeon tries, trying to capture Kevin's panicked eyes. His eyes are misty from unshed tears, but he tries to focus on the soft timbre of the nurses voice, tries to stop gasping in lungfuls of air. "In, out," he hears, and he does his best to match Haknyeon's breathing, fingers clenching repeatedly in the length of the seatbelt. 

"I'm going to turn off the car, alright? It's going to get quiet, and then we can work through this," Haknyeon murmurs, waiting for his weak nod of affirmation before doing just that. The engine falls silent as he drops the key into one of the cup holders, turning fully to face him. Hands extend out, an offer- one that Kevin tentatively takes, loosening his grip on the seatbelt and letting his hand fall into Haknyeon's hold. 

"Are you with me?" He nods, wide eyes focused on the way Haknyeon's lips form around the words. The hands holding onto his squeeze gently and he blinks, refocusing on the nurse's face. "I'm so sorry, I should have checked with you if taking the car was alright." 

The sudden apology almost makes Kevin panic again, shaking his head with a weak couple of squeezes to Haknyeon's hands. He wishes he could speak, that the words weren't stuck in his throat, but he hopes the message is clear in his own way. _Don't apologize_ , he tries to show, pointed teeth chewing at his lip until it's bitten raw.

"Have you ever ridden in a car before?" He shakes his head again, frowning as his eyes flit around the interior of the vehicle. Haknyeon sighs softly, tapping the inside of his wrist and pulling his attention again. His ears perk up slightly at the gentle touch, and really all Kevin wants right now is to not have the anxieties he has about such stupid things. He doesn't want to be a burden on Haknyeon, not when he was so kind to take him in in the first place. 

"It's just a bit loud, so it can be startling at first," Haknyeon murmurs, grabbing the key and pressing it into Kevin's hand with intent. "Would it help if it was in your hands? You are in control, it can't hurt you like this."

He stares down at the key in his hands, ears flicking forward with curiosity. "I'll help you," Haknyeon says with a gentle smile, carefully guiding Kevin to push the key into the ignition. "Now twist like this," he continues, urging Kevin to turn the key and start the engine. "Good job," Haknyeon praises, squeezing at Kevin's hand lightly, meeting his bright eyes. "I'm proud of you for facing your fear like this."

He flushes, puffing out his cheeks and relaxing a little bit into the seat. "When we drive, it goes a little fast, and there's gonna be other people driving too, but we are safe," Haknyeon nods towards the street as he talks, and even from this distance he can see cars moving along the road way. He nods, letting the nurse buckle in his seatbelt carefully. "This is so just in case something happens, you are even _more_ safe, that's all."

Surprisingly, the movement of the car when Haknyeon backs out of his parking and makes his way out onto the road doesn't bother him. It's almost relaxing, and it feels even nicer when he closes his eyes and rests his head on the window, ear twitching where it's half squished between his head and the door. Haknyeon hums along to seemingly nothing as he dozes like that, the journey feeling impossibly fast with his comfort.

By the time they are pulling into the little apartment complex Haknyeon lives in, Kevin is rubbing the sleep out of his eyes with a yawn. He looks out the window in awe at the sight of the buildings around him, big brown eyes sparkling as Haknyeon pulls into his usual parking space. 

"I've got the next two days off," the nurse mumbles, looking up at his third floor apartment. "So we have a few days to get used to everything." Kevin nods, watching as Haknyeon helps him out of the seatbelt. The nurse hurries around to his side of the car and guides him out, the door shutting and the lock setting behind him with a quick _beep_ that makes him jump. Haknyeon guides him towards the building in front of them and up the flights of stairs where they stop at a poorly painted white door with a cute little welcome mat in front of it. 

Once inside, Haknyeon shucks off his shoes into the messy pile just inside the doorway. Kevin follows suit, tail wagging behind him slowly as he steps into the small apartment, looking around at the little decorations placed around the room. 

"Come here," Haknyeon calls from ahead of him, opening a door in the hallway that leads into a small bedroom, decorated sparsely with a dresser and spare bed made up. "This is going to be your room. I know it's not much, but we can go out tomorrow and get you some clothes and things to make it feel a little bit more like home."

His fingers reach out, gripping at the sleeve of Haknyeon's sweater and pulling his attention. When the nurse turns to speak, he simply laces their fingers together and gives his hand a gentle squeeze. His own little way to say _thank you_ , something not lost on Haknyeon. He feels it when the other man squeezes his hand back, and he makes his way to the little bed, sitting carefully on the edge.

"I mean it when I say it's your room, no stipulations. You're free to treat everything here like it's yours- because it is." Haknyeon smiles, leaning against the doorframe. "Are you hungry?"

A little shake of his head is all he gives, he's really not right now- he thinks he just wants to sleep. He yawns again, then, and Haknyeon grins at the sight of his little teeth poking out. "I'll leave you to get some sleep, let me get you some clothes."

The nurse disappears down the hallway after that, returning quickly enough with a spare pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt. "Get some sleep, alright? We'll have a busy day tomorrow!"

And with that, Haknyeon pads down the hall towards the kitchen, the comforting sound of him moving around the apartment helping to ease his nerves. He clumsily pulls on the new pants, but he ends up reaching for one of the other shirts from his hospital stay- his mind unconsciously searching for the familiar, calming scent just barely clinging to the fabric. 

Once he's wrapped happily in the comfort of the bed sheets, he lets his thoughts wander with the excitement of the day. He's lucky that Haknyeon was the one who found him and took care of him, because he's sure that he wouldn't be alive without him. And even had he managed to survive somehow, making it back out onto the streets after a months worth of care, well, the pitfall afterwards would have left him stumbling and more worse for wear. 

He doesn't have to worry about that, though, at least not right now. He's got Haknyeon in his life, and the nurse is so clearly selfless and eager to help those around him as much as he can- and he's thankful he was found worthy of that help. 


	4. mild bitterness (Focus - BRICK)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor warnings for discrimination and harshness from strangers, as well as thinly veiled self-hatred (?)
> 
> Kevin is a cutie and I long to protect him.

It’s the first time in as long as he can remember that he got a really, truly good night of sleep. The spare bedroom in Haknyeon’s apartment definitely offered the highest amount of comfort he’s had the pleasure of enjoying. Even now, he snuggles further into the blanket burrito he’s wrapped himself into, sapping the extra warmth and comfort as the sun rises and fills the apartment with light. 

He doesn’t think Haknyeon is awake yet- he doesn’t hear anything outside of the room or in the little kitchen. He wants to surprise Haknyeon with a little show of thanks, and that thought leads him to regretfully dragging himself out of the comfort of his bed with a yawn and a stretch. With his ears perked up and tail held high behind him, he makes his way into the kitchen, quietly opening up cabinets and looking around.

He finds a few things he knows how to throw together, and with a little imagination and thought, it's easy enough to have a hot meal ready when Haknyeon stumbles into the tiny kitchen. The look of surprise on the nurse's face is entirely worth it, and he can't help but let out a tiny squeak of happiness when Haknyeon praises him. 

"You didn't have to do this, you know," Haknyeon mumbles around a mouthful. His ears droop a bit, but the nurse quickly backtracks at the sad sight. "I appreciate it, though- really, thank you, Kevin."

He smiles to himself, chewing quietly at his own food. The rest of their meal passes by in amiable silence, Haknyeon scrolling through his phone and humming to himself. "I'm excited to get some shopping done, I need to pick up some things while we are out, too," Haknyeon speaks up as he drops both of their dishes in the sink, a determined look on his face stopping Kevin in his tracks. He hates that the other man knew immediately he was planning to wash the dishes, and he feels a bit like a chastised child now.

"I'll get everything ready for you to take a bath, and after that we can get going, okay?" Haknyeon rambles, already heading towards the linen closet and pulling out spare towels. Kevin is simply following along behind him, chewing at his lip as Haknyeon talks to himself aloud. The sound of his low, raspy voice is soothing in all the right ways that he barely acknowledges the anxiety building low in his stomach.

He's weary of how the shopping trip is going to go, but as he shuts himself in the bathroom and slowly fills the tub with water, he tries not to think too hard about it. He thinks that Haknyeon will protect him, will take care of him. He has no reason to think otherwise at this point.

It makes him happy to see the small assortment of fur-friendly products lined up on the edge of the counter, to know that Haknyeon is doing what he can to help ease Kevin's struggles. Soaking in the almost too-hot water feels amazing, and it feels even better to finally get the chance to work out some of the knots and matts in the longer fur at the base of his ears. It's been too long since the last time he really got to take the time to care for himself the way he should have been the whole time. 

The feeling of his own nails scratching at his ears leaves him shuddering, a soft rush of feeling coursing through him. He feels so relaxed, he almost doesn't want to leave the oversized bathtub- but he knows that Haknyeon is waiting for him, and he doesn't want to let the sweet nurse down. 

He quickly rinses the shampoo out of his hair, pulling the plug on the drain with a little pout marring his features. He tries not to think about the water swirling down the drain as any kind of metaphor for his suffering.

> _Sometimes, Kevin finds himself looking longingly towards the hybrids that get chosen. Not that he ever wants to leave Chanhee behind, but he can't help but wonder- why is he never chosen? None of the clients ever seem too particularly desperate to have him, at least, not to the point where they purchase him._
> 
> _Maybe he's just not good enough. He tries his best, doing what he can to please his clients- but deep down, he knows it's never enough. He's not vocal enough, not desperate enough to beg and whine and scream for something so wrong. He's just not_ enough _of what potential masters could want._
> 
> _All he has is the look- with big, chocolate doe eyes wide with curiosity, oversized cream ears and his bushy tail waving behind him, he's everyone's dream hybrid. Until they get to see the true damage of everything, something they can almost feel in the complete silence Kevin bestows- it all falls down to the fact that he's damaged, and he's not sure he can recover._
> 
> _So he watches with expressionless eyes as yet another one of the cute little kittens gets chosen, a too-strict master leading the girl out of their dreary little 'home', if you could even call it that. He watches, and when he turns to curl into Chanhee's arms, he sees the other boy watching._
> 
> _All they can do is watch._

He's clinging a bit too much to Haknyeon as they head towards the crowded mall in front of them- a giant, imposing structure that spans too much space for Kevin to properly take in. He can already feel eyes on him, on his ears, on his uncollared neck. His hands reflexively tighten in their grasp on Haknyeon's too-long jacket sleeve, pointed fangs worrying the skin of his bottom lip.

There's something so disorienting about being viewed as some sort of zoo animal, like he's not even welcome to exist in this world. He never asked for the ears and tail, for the traits that aren't so physical- he longs to be normal sometimes, someone free of this torture. But at the same time, he loves those traits in himself- so it's definitely a struggle.

Haknyeon is understanding, only tucking him closer as some of the stares grow bolder in their intent. "I'm sorry," the nurse whispers, the words almost lose in the wind- something for his ears only. He only tightens his grip on Haknyeon's jacket in response. 

"Where do you want to go first?" Haknyeon asks gently, Kevin's wide eyes roaming around the expanses of shops and stores, the scent of a hundred different foods assaulting his senses. He pouts a little bit, eyes falling on a store with an advertisement of a pretty female fox hybrid on it- someone who looks like _him_. 

Haknyeon follows his gaze, eyes softening and immediately leading the way over towards the little shop. It doesn't matter that the store is more geared towards feminine products- he is more than content to let Kevin have whatever makes him feel the most comfortable in his skin. 

Kevin's eyes light up as they step into the little shop, literal stars in his eyes as he takes in the sight of rows and rows of soft sweaters and cute pants. Haknyeon is by his side the entire time, mumbling gentle words of encouragement each time his fingers fumble with the material of a cozy top. Before he even realizes what's happening, Haknyeon's arms are full of a dozen shirts and sweaters, the nurse nearly disappearing under all of the fabric.

A sweet bird hybrid behind the counter directs him to the fitting rooms, and he takes his time trying each of the different tops on, relishing in the softness of them all. Haknyeon happily cheers him on each time he's confident enough to show him, and before too long they are going through the checkout line and he's got two bags full of clothes to call his own. 

Emerging back out into the crowded walking areas with bags hanging from their arms makes it a bit harder for Kevin to crowd in close, although he still manages to nearly plaster himself to Haknyeon's side as they head further into the mall. They make a quick stop at one of the little food stalls, Haknyeon scoring a treat for the two of them to split while remaining blissfully ignorant of the looks thrown their way. It’s a strange enough sight to see a hybrid roaming alongside a master unleashed and it’s even more of a conundrum to see the human carrying the weight. 

He munches happily on his little sweet all the same, listening intently as Haknyeon raves about a little shop he’s excited to stop by on the way out, Kevin’s bags full of clothes sat in the open seat next to him. If Haknyeon isn’t going to pay the stares any mind, maybe he should learn to ignore them too. 

—

Snack urges settled, they move ahead, Kevin shyly pointing towards another hybrid shop off in the distance. It’s less blatantly directed towards cute and fluffy hybrids this time, a bigger store with endless sections for different needs- one that he finds himself overwhelmed with from the beginning. A bored looking shop assistant offers her assistance, annoyance dripping from each word spoken as she stares down Kevin’s nervous frame with narrowed eyes. 

He tries not to shrink under her gaze, looking around for Haknyeon and stamping down a whimper when he doesn’t immediately spot the sweet man. The woman in front of him only grows more aggravated towards his lack of response, snapping at him with a raised voice that only serves to make him cower, ears pulled back in fear. 

“What? Are you fuckin’ stupid or something?” The woman sneers, rolling her eyes before walking away with a huff. He doesn’t relax until the woman is far away, her foul aura lingering behind in her stead. He wanders the aisles forlornly, searching for the bright smile and raspy tone and most importantly, comfort. He longs for Haknyeon’s easy comfort and soft spoken nature, all but throwing himself at the nurse when he finally catches him holding up a couple of jackets. 

“Look what- hey, hey; what’s wrong?” His lip wobbles at the concern melting over in waves. He barely even feels the wet tracks rolling down his cheeks before he’s enveloped in warmth. He stiffens at first, quickly falling into Haknyeon’s embrace and fisting his hands in the soft cream sweater he’s wearing. 

Haknyeon let’s him whimper for a few moments, rubbing his hands up and down the length of his back before he eventually pulls away and captures his eyes with determination flickering like a lit flame. “Did something happen?” The question is punctuated with thumbs wiping away a few lingering tears, with Haknyeon’s firm gaze holding his. 

He nods, unconsciously flicking his eyes towards the front of the shop where the woman was. Haknyeon frowns, following his gaze off into the distance. “The worker?” Another nod, a quiet sniffle. He doesn’t even know why he’s so upset, why he’s so desperate for any kind of affection he can get, when he’s lived through the unspeakable things he’s had to survive. Haknyeon’s frown deepens, although his eyes soften remarkably when they fall on Kevin’s once again. 

“Do you want me to say something?” He shakes his head, looking down at the worn sneakers on his feet. He’s still wearing his shoes from when he left his last master’s house, Haknyeon sadly pointing out that he didn’t have any in his size. He’s okay with it though- he’s used to them and their worn down soles that barely support his weight. 

“Do you want to leave?” He hesitates, eyes roaming over the seemingly endless arrays of clothing. He doesn’t want to leave, but he doesn’t want to be alone either- or near that crude woman. He shakes his head, shuffling in closer and wrapping his fingers loosely around Haknyeon’s wrist. A soft chuckle sounds and he looks up, meeting Haknyeon’s twinkling eyes and he knows he’s okay. He knows Haknyeon understands him, understands his silent needs of closeness. 

It’s easy to forget that this isn’t permanent. He wanders the shop as Haknyeon follows closely behind him, his thoughts running away from him as he thinks about the future. _"_ _I’ll help you find somewhere to stay, but until then you’ll stay with me.”_

The words ping pong emptily throughout his psyche, fingers loosely feeling different fabrics as he passes by. He smiles accordingly when Haknyeon points out a cute sweater or nice pants, trying his best to hide the way his thoughts have taken a turn. He has to consciously control his ears, forcibly perking up until he has a headache thrumming at his temples, the urge to sink into a corner and mourn a loss he hasn’t even gone through filling him up. 

If Haknyeon notices his sudden drop in mood (he does), he doesn’t mention it during their little shopping trip. They leave the shop empty handed, Kevin’s mind off in a far away land and leaving him unable to truly process anything going on. One last little shop has them walking out with a few pairs of barely approved jeans and a brand new pair of sneakers, and then it’s off to Haknyeon’s tiny list of necessities. 

He shuffles awkwardly as they head into a little pharmacy, Haknyeon heading straight for one of the more risqué aisles with a small hint of red tinting his cheeks. Kevin gives him the privacy of throwing a pack of condoms into the little basket, although it does bring new questions to the forefront of his mind. _Who?_ being the main general fist of all of the little bubbles of thought and confusion twinkling in his brain. 

It’s none of his business though, and even though the clerk behind the counter levels Haknyeon with a disgusted look and a pointed glance towards him standing off to the side, he doesn’t ask. With their arms full of clothing bags and a small pack of cosmetics tucked into one of the ones on Haknyeon’s arm, they make their way out of the slowly crowding mall. 

He bumps shoulders with numerous people, each one sending an increasingly harsh glare his way- even though he’s damn near climbing Haknyeon to get away. It’s almost as if they are going out of their way to knock against him and then point fingers; it’s like a child’s game, a game of ‘not it’ never forgotten from grade school. 

“Did you have a good time?” Haknyeon asks as they slide into his little Prius, Kevin fidgeting with the seatbelt. He nods- and it’s not even a lie. He _did_ have a good time with Haknyeon, even with the harshness of strangers battering him like a fortress waiting to be stormed. The smile gracing Haknyeon’s pretty features is worth it after that, so he doesn’t feel even remotely off as he watches the city landscape morph in high speed around him. 


	5. paranoia ... (kang daniel)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies, little bit of a shorter chapter today! And... a certain someone is introduced this time! 
> 
> As always our dear sweet Kevin has some existential dread and a mental crisis, but it's much more mellow this time around. I am, however, eager to hear your thoughts on everything so far- is there anything you like? anything you hate? something you desperately want me to change / include? Please, *please* feel free to sound off in the comments or on twitter!

The first time Kevin meets any of Haknyeon's friends, it's about a week after their little shopping trip and Haknyeon has since returned back to work, leaving him home alone in the little apartment during the long shifts. It doesn't bother him, really, he's used to spending a lot of time alone, but he can't help but miss the lively atmosphere the nurse brings to the place. He normally spends his days lounging lazily on the couch or half heartedly perusing the books on the shelf, but he never snoops or pries into Haknyeon's things. 

He's confused about what to do the first time the mailman needs to drop off a package at the door, the short raps on the door startling him from the light nap he fell into. He waits until he hears the footsteps walking away, heavy feet trudging back down the stairs, before he gets up and cracks the door open. His ears are nearly flat to his head as he peaks around the corner, tugging the innocently placed parcel inside. Haknyeon had thanked him for receiving the package anyways, a gentle hand carding through the hair atop his head and drawing out a low rumble of happiness.

He knows realistically that at some point, especially the longer he stays around, he's bound to be put in some interesting situations- like the one he's in now. There's a stranger knocking at the door and calling out for Haknyeon, and he's not sure what to do. 

After weighing his options, he quietly strides over to the door, clicking the lock and peaking around the door to see a charming looking man with his fist still raised to knock again. As their eyes meet, the stranger's head cocks to the side cutely, and for a split second the mannerisms almost remind Kevin of a puppy. He shuffles awkwardly as they both just stand there, the stranger taking him in with soft and kind eyes- it's easy to know why this human is friends with Haknyeon.

"Is Haknyeon home?" The stranger eventually speaks up, leaving him flustered. He's once again cursing his inability to speak, shaking his head sadly. He can see the moment the realization hits the other man about who he is, why he's hiding out in Haknyeon's apartment, and the stranger's eyes soften even further. "You must be Kevin?"

He's not sure why the sound of his own name falling from this stranger's lips sounds so good, but it does, and it leaves him with a shudder passing through his body. With a nod, he watches as the other man let's a sweet smile cross his face. 

"I just needed to get something from him, is it okay if I come in? I'll be quick," the strangers questions softly, and that's the best way to describe this person- soft. His uncertainty must show in his expression, because the stranger cracks a sweet smile, tugging out his phone. “I’ll call Haknyeon- so you know I’m being truthful.”

He figured the least he can do is open the door a bit wider, just wide enough for the newcomer to come inside with a grateful smile. The dial tone rings loud in the silence between them, phone on speaker and held out towards him- it makes him feel a little bit more grounded in this new situation. 

“Jacob? What’s up?” Haknyeon’s voice rings out through the room, Kevin’s ears immediately perking up at the sound. The stranger- Jacob?- hums, happily explaining the situation. He fights back a flush at Haknyeon’s little laugh that tinkles through the line, at the way Haknyeon praises him for being so protective. It also makes his chest puff out with pride a bit, to have Haknyeon praise him so openly- he did good, he’s good. 

His eyes stay trained on Jacob even as the man heads towards Haknyeon’s room, phone still held out in one of his hands so that Kevin can be assured he’s not here to harm. By the time Jacob makes his way back out into the living area, his phone is in his pocket and Kevin’s protectiveness over the home has settled, calming into a gentle assurance that they are safe. He’s safe. 

“Thank you,” Jacob calls sweetly as he passes through back towards the front door- and wow, it was that simple. That fast, and this new person is already on his way out. He remembers the old masters used to like it when he showed good manners, so he happily lifts up to show the pretty man out the door. 

As Jacob squeezes by him, the door clicking shut quietly, the scent finally hits him- the scent on the jacket, on the tshirts. It nearly knocks him off his feet, and he’s not even sure how he had missed it earlier. He leans against the door with a full body shudder, tail flicking at the potency of the scent. 

Even now, the jacket’s scent almost seems subtle in comparison- it’s nothing like the screaming intensity that Jacob wanders freely with. He thinks he would do just about anything to have a scent like that near him at all times- warmth, comfort. Jacob is warm. 

—

Haknyeon is cheerful when he enters the apartment later that night, humming a quiet tune to himself as he wanders in the kitchen still decked out in his full scrub wear. He loiters on the edge of the room, watching with a tiny smile, but too afraid to join it, to ruin the atmosphere. 

“So you met Jacob today?” Haknyeon calls out, dumping something into a pan on the stove. The scent reaches him first, a shiver coursing through him at the delicious smell of fresh meat. He wanders into the kitchen, perching lazily on the counter top out of the way. 

He waits until Haknyeon is looking at him, answering him with a quick little nod. He hasn’t been able to wipe the scent out of his memory, and even now, he’s wrapped up in Jacob’s jacket and desperately clinging to any little bit of the smell he can grasp. 

“Jacob’s a good guy. I think- in the future, I think you two would get along,” Haknyeon mumbles, focusing on the dish in front of him. Eventually, Kevin shoos him away towards his bedroom, little sauce stains appearing on his scrubs. Left alone to tend to the meal, he lets his mind wander back to thoughts of the new person from earlier. 

He wonders what Jacob means to Haknyeon- there’s obviously a camaraderie between them, a friendship built from years of life. It’s none of his concern though, and he foolishly believes that there’s no reason to get too involved towards friends of Haknyeon’s, because one day, he’s going to have to leave. 

It’s unspoken between the two of them, the second half of Haknyeon’s deal. He can’t get too comfortable here, knowing that it’s only temporary- until Haknyeon finds him a new home, a more permanent solution. But he’s not sure he’s truly worth anyone’s time, a damaged hybrid like him. Sure, he’s cute, and he can be sweet, but he’s held back by his circumstances and life, and he can’t even read. He wouldn’t be any use in a family home, because he flinches when people try and pet his ears and tail, and he cannot tutor any of the children, so what is he good for?

He’s drug harshly out of his thoughts by Haknyeon’s hand resting suddenly on his shoulder, turning quickly to see the concern etched into the nurse’s features. 

“Are you alright? I called your name a few times, I didn’t mean to startle you,” Haknyeon mumbles, eyes roaming over Kevin’s slightly shaky frame. He shakes his head, he’s alright- but he bows his head towards Haknyeon in thanks anyways, because the show of concern feels so riveting and sweet, and drastically away from his comfort zone. 

Dinner moves on from there, an amiable silence between them as Kevin dreams of a different life. He’s not one to wish he was born without his ears and tail, but he does dreamily long for a world that didn’t treat him as if he was a menace. Fiction always paints things in such a utopian light, Chanhee having shared many a story of hybrids whisked away into a life of fame and fortune, but sadly, it’s not the case. 

“Kevin? Do you mind if.. Tomorrow, can I invite a friend over?” Haknyeon questions, voice shaking with nerves. He doesn’t quite understand why Haknyeon seems so afraid to ask, considering it’s his home and life, but he is thankful for the consideration. He squeezes Haknyeon’s hand lightly, giving him a soft nod with focused eyes- he wants to make it clear to the nurse that he doesn’t need Kevin’s permission to live his life. 

Just because he’s here, that doesn’t mean Haknyeon should have to give up his own life and friendship. So Kevin goes to bed that night mentally preparing himself for the next day- who knows, maybe he will make a new friend tomorrow as well. 


	6. a reunion ( stand by you ; a.c.e )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO'S LATE 
> 
> MICK IS LATE
> 
> Sorry guys, KINGDOM intros got me all fucked up, Breaking Dawn got me all fucked up. Forgive me for being 1 hour and 1 minute late.

He almost forgets, as he wakes up the next morning, that Haknyeon has a friend coming over- at least until he emerges out of the spare bedroom to Haknyeon puttering around in the kitchen. He greets the other with a warm, albeit shaky smile as he carefully skirts around him, digging out a cereal bar from the cupboard. Haknyeon is happily fixing himself up his own breakfast, humming a cheery tune- it’s something Kevin likes the most about him, how he’s always so happy and excited. 

He hopes one day, he will be able to live like that. He wants to experience the joys in life, no matter how small or big they may be- he just wants to take the joy in it. 

“Eric is coming over later,” Haknyeon speaks up around a mouthful of food sometime later. Kevin perks up a bit, scratching at one of his ears with a soft pout. “He mentioned something about bringing along a friend as well, a hybrid. He hopes maybe it’ll be nice for you to meet someone, a friend like you?” 

The way the wording ends in more of a question than a statement, the way Haknyeon sounds so unsure of himself- it all serves to make Kevin realize that he’s been a bit of a burden on the sweet human. He’s causing so much stress by being so difficult to work with, leaving Haknyeon brimming with uncertainty about the littlest things, and all he really wants to do is just... do better. He wants to be someone that Haknyeon doesn’t have to be so worried about setting off, about pushing over the edge. 

He nods slightly, anything to show that he’s more than willing to see where things go. He is determined to make sure he’s honest when he proves to Haknyeon that he doesn’t need to fall back on Kevin’s permission for things. 

“He’s really excited to meet you,” Haknyeon says shyly, a gentle smile on his face. Kevin finds himself grinning back, however terrified he is, he’s sure Haknyeon wouldn’t bring anyone unkind into his life. He fully trusts Haknyeon’s judgement with this. 

The rest of their breakfast is a soft affair, mostly quiet between them as Haknyeon scrolls through something on his phone. Sometimes, he tries to share things with Kevin, but it’s too both of their chagrin that they realize it’s usually lost on him. He tries to smile charmingly at all the right times though, carefully watching Haknyeon’s expressions with wide, curious eyes- he wants to share in Haknyeon’s little enjoyments. 

He finds out that Eric is due to drop by a bit later in the afternoon, the mysterious hybrid friend of his tagging along as well, and Kevin spends most of the late morning with a weird, nervous energy bubbling in his stomach. Haknyeon tries to ease the strange tension building up, digging up some old videos of himself from his dancing days, and at Kevin’s shining eyes, he offers to teach him some moves. It’s fun, and he really doesn’t think he’s had quite as much fun as he is now ever in his life. 

Haknyeon is a good teacher, even in the time it’s been since he last danced seriously, but as the clock edges closer and closer to Eric’s arrival, Kevin is pleased to know the dance to a popular song’s chorus. He’s got an obnoxiously massive smile etching his cheeks and his ears are perked up with excitement, and he’s happy enough to the point where he eagerly offers himself up for head scratches. 

The nurse is one of very few people Kevin has let near his ears, and he hopes the sincerity in his body is obvious when he leans into the gentle hand brushing against his fur. “You’re so soft here,” Haknyeon whispers, fingers stroking along the base of his ear. He’s pushing against the tender touches with an unrestrained enjoyment, a low rumble escaping as his eyes flutter shut. 

“Thank you,” Haknyeon eventually mumbles, hand still scratching ever so gentle at his ears. By this point, Kevin is damn near folded into his lap and he’s eager to never lose the comfort the experience has given him. Because, aside from Haknyeon, Chanhee and his mother are the only people who’ve been welcome to brush against the fur of his ears and tail, the only people he’s trusted with it. He doesn’t quite understand why Haknyeon is thanking him, though, so he cracks his eyes open enough to glance at the nurse in confusion. 

Haknyeon huffs a quiet laugh, pushing his fingers through Kevin’s messy hair. “Thank you for trusting me enough for this,” he explains softly, content enough to just relax like this. His hand squeezes at Haknyeon’s leg, an answer in and of itself- he appreciates that Haknyeon understands how important it is, that he’s here with his hands on such an intimate part of him. 

Time goes by like that, a movie playing on the TV that neither of them are really watching and Haknyeon’s hand in his hair. Before either of them even realize what time it is, Eric’s shooting a text letting Haknyeon know they are on their way, and the low simmer of nervousness picks back up low in his gut. He’s just hopeful that the other hybrid coming along won’t be upset with him, won’t be harsh due to his silence- he hopes that this Eric person will be kind to him. 

He already knows the entire situation is going to be overwhelming, so he’s mentally preparing himself for an exhausting day. The most important thing he finds himself remembering though, is that Haknyeon is here for him, and as much as he doesn’t want to interfere and cause problems in the nurse’s life, he knows that if it came down to it, Haknyeon would stand up for him. He’s almost positive though, even with his usually negative thought pattern, that Eric will be good. If he’s anything like Haknyeon’s other friend, Jacob, he’s going to be warm and comforting, a welcome addition. 

It’s not too much later when there’s a soft knock at the door, the sound drawing Kevin’s wide eyes and twitching ears. Haknyeon pats him reassuringly on the head, a final, parting brush of his fingertips in the cream-colored fur as he heads towards the door. He watches, curled up in the safety of the couch as the door opens to reveal a happy, smiling boy that immediately throws himself into Haknyeon’s awaiting arms with a loud squeal of delight. 

“Come on in,” Haknyeon laughs easily, guiding Eric inside. “Hello,” the nurse says with a soft smile, speaking to the unknown person Kevin has yet to catch a glimpse of. 

He gets distracted for a moment as Eric brightens up the room with his infectious and bubbly personality, a complete 180 towards the way Kevin is on the edge of his seat with nerves. He kind of hates the way his fight or flight reflex is so triggered, the way he feels like he could bolt at the slightest inconvenience. Eric is sweet though, standing off in front of him with a sweet smile as he introduces himself. 

“I brought my friend with me,” Eric grins, gesturing behind him. “I hope you’ll get along well... I think you will.” 

The words are said with a knowing grin and he thinks it should make him nervous with the way Eric is looking at him. It almost feels like the newcomer is waiting for something, like he’s being studied. Haknyeon appears, peeking around Eric’s shoulder with a soft look in his eyes. 

“Kevin?” Haknyeon’s voice speaks up and he meets his gaze with wide eyes. “Are you ready to meet him?” 

Him- so the other hybrid is a male, Kevin’s brain helpfully clings onto. He thinks he’s ready, so he nods determinedly, wondering in the back of his mind why everyone is making such a massive deal about it all. So he waits with bated breath as Haknyeon carefully guides the other hybrid into the room, watching the sheepish smile on the nurse’s face. 

He thinks, then, as the other hybrid comes into view- he knows why everyone is making it such a fiasco. His eyes can’t seem to truly focus, to take in the sight of the other hybrid, and he only barely manages to blink away the blurriness in his eyes stemming from unshed tears. His best friend, his closest thing to family, the person he’d thought he’d lost forever is standing in front of him in Haknyeon’s tiny living room. 

“Oh my god,” Chanhee whispers, lurching forward and tugging Kevin into his arms. He immediately melts into the embrace, clinging desperately onto the other hybrid. His hands are roaming everywhere, feeling the very real, very solid weight of Chanhee, because it all feels like a dream. “Kevin-“ Chanhee’s voice breaks, his own hands squeezing at any part of Kevin he can feel. 

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Chanhee breathes, the words barely loud enough for Kevin to hear them as they are lost in the hair atop his head. He knows he’s crying, he can feel the way he’s shaking, the way he’s choking out little sobs- but none of it matters. Chanhee is everything to him, his only person that truly understands everything- because unfortunately, he lived it too. 

Neither Haknyeon nor Eric have the heart to interrupt the reunion, his ears barely picking up the sound of them heading into the kitchen. He can hear Chanhee whispering comforting words into his hair, his hands trying to calm Kevin’s shaking body. “It’s okay,” Chanhee coos, his own voice watery around the threat of tears. “I’m here now, I’m not leaving you again.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” It’s the last thing Kevin really hears as he clings on desperately. He tunes out the rest of the world and falls blissfully into a state of unawareness as his hands fist in the material of Chanhee’s shirt. The other hybrid just lets it happen, laying the two of them down on the couch with Kevin resting over top, not a sound aside from the occasional soft sniffle. 

He’s got Chanhee back, and he’s not willing to let him go now. They are free, and the life they always swore they would live together can start now. 


	7. regrowth (day off - sangyeon)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late, every other saturday im in my car for roughly 7 hours of the day and I forgot to post this BEFORE I left so here it is after. Enjoy :D
> 
> Warning for brief descriptions of a mild panic attack

“C’mon pup, you can’t just snooze on me all day,” Chanhee whispers with a soft grin painting his face. Kevin pouts, petulantly nuzzling just a bit further into the other hybrid’s embrace, trying to ignore the way the tip of Chanhee’s tail is tickling against his skin. He knows he’s being rude, and he does genuinely feel bad towards Haknyeon and Eric- but he can’t seem to lose the clinginess that taints him. It’s a feral sort of desperation that has him hanging off of Chanhee, something he’s not even sure he can fight. 

Chanhee huffs at his lack of interest towards detachment, pressing a kiss to the soft hair atop Kevin’s head. “I told you, baby, I’m not leaving you again- let’s go be friendly with Eric, okay? We can cuddle some more later, maybe I'll convince Eric to let me stay the night with you.” Chanhee’s voice soothes, offering a peace treaty of sorts. He squints his eyes, weighing his options- if he’s good now, Chanhee will stay with him overnight? He thinks it’s a deal he can take, but even still, it’s with a heavy sigh and an even heavier pout that Kevin allows Chanhee to pull away. 

Haknyeon grins at the two of them when they wander into the kitchen, Kevin draped off of Chanhee’s arm like a trophy wife. His ears are relaxed, tail hanging happily behind him as he absorbs the scent of Chanhee all around him for the first time in so long. “I’m glad to see you two have found each other again,” Haknyeon teases, laughing softly at the completely new side of Kevin he’s never been privy to. “Kevin’s a little bit attached, but it’s sweet.” 

He puffs his cheeks out happily in response, letting Chanhee press him down into the little chair without too much resistance. Eric has a certain look on his face, one that Kevin finds himself struggling to read into in the small time knowing the young man. When their eyes meet, though, Eric simply offers up a warm smile- one which Kevin returns shakily. He wants Eric to know he’s grateful to him. 

“When Eric told me that you were housing a fox hybrid, well- _ah_ , I couldn’t let myself hope too much. I’d wondered if I’d ever see you again,” Chanhee murmurs with a shaky voice, hands resting on Kevin’s shoulders as he stands behind him. He can feel it when Chanhee noses against the soft, creamy white ears, letting himself fall into the once intimate touch with a refined ease. “I wanted to come along today- I needed to know if it was you.” 

There’s an undisclosed pain laced in those last words, a certain heaviness Kevin picks up on. He catches Haknyeon’s eyes from across the table, and it startles him to see the nurse’s eyes just a little bit misty with emotions. “Thank you,” Chanhee whispers, this time directly towards Haknyeon. “Thank you for bringing him back to me.” 

Chanhee’s nails scratch idly at the fur on his ears until Kevin is leaning back contentedly with a low rumble emanating from his chest. There’s a soft, matching purr echoing from Chanhee behind him, and it’s all Kevin can do to not beg for the other hybrid to smother him in his scent. “You two are ridiculous,” Eric teases fondly, a crooked grin on his face that just makes him look all the more youthful. 

“Do you wanna go watch a movie?” Haknyeon offers, figuring separating Kevin would be a difficult task at this point. And he’s right, because it’s with a frustrated little huff that Kevin finds himself being moved back into the living room and nearly collapsing in Chanhee’s lap. They settle on a comedy Kevin knows he will barely be able to keep up with, but the gentle hands scratching at his scalp are soothing and lull him into a half conscious state where he’s draped all over Chanhee. 

“So cute,” Haknyeon whispers, patting the side of Kevin’s leg where it’s stretched across the couch. He shuffles closer to Chanhee, if only to make sure Haknyeon and Eric have enough room so lounge on the couch themselves. Eric laughs, echoing the statement as he squeezes into the last little bit of space- well, until Haknyeon happily tugs Kevin’s legs across his lap and scoots closer. 

He fights down a flush at his skin being in so much contact with other people, Haknyeon’s careful hands rubbing absentmindedly at his calf muscle. It’s weird and a little jarring to be laid out with so many hands brushing against his body without devious undertones, so it’s a bit hard to get used to. Chanhee is always observant though, and when Kevin starts to get a bit fidgety shortly thereafter, his own hands still in the messy, chestnut colored hair atop Kevin’s head. 

“Settle down,” Chanhee whispers, scratching at his ear in reward for his body relaxing back into the gentle motions. The movie passes by with Kevin huffing out air in faux attempts at laughter with the rest of them, most of the time spent hyper fixated on Chanhee’s hand in his hair, on his neck, against his ears. He’s hyper aware of every little movement the other hybrid makes, and it makes him jittery and on edge for more of the movie. 

After the movie credits roll, Eric eyes the tiny little digital clock next to the television with a weary sigh. “I wish I could stay longer, but I have class early in the morning,” he hears Eric complain, unintentionally clinging a little closer to Chanhee at the thought of him leaving. He completely forgets that Chanhee wants to stay, and all that can run through his mind is that Chanhee is going to leave him again- it’s violent and dark and cruel, the voices in his head whispering that _‘of course Chanhee doesn’t want to stay; why would he?_ ’

He’s barely even aware of the way he starts breathing heavier, eyesight going blurry as he tries to focus on the weight of Chanhee and the sound of his voice as he talks to Eric. The other hybrid’s hand combs through his hair in a soft attempt at comfort, one that Kevin pushes against with a soft whine as he tries to bite back the rising panic. He can’t let Chanhee go, he doesn’t want to be alone again- he needs Chanhee.

It’s more than a little bit pathetic, the way he’s desperately choking back sobs and clinging onto the leopard hybrid with a viscous grip. The voices in his head are nearly insidious in their cruelty, a mantra of hatred bleeding through his mind in a nonstop river. And the worst part- the worst part is _knowing_ he’s being ridiculous. Knowing that Chanhee is most likely not going anywhere, and that his mind is being overactive and running out of control due to his poor management of stress. 

“Hey,” Chanhee’s voice breaks through the sound of rushing water, much closer than he ever expected. The suddenness of it all startles him, and he blinks his eyes open unaware of why he even shut them, only to see Chanhee’s worried eyes just above him. “You’re okay, come on- come back to me, pup,” Chanhee whispers, fingers brushing ever-so gently over the skin on his forehead. 

Haknyeon and Eric are blissfully unaware of the panic gripping Kevin like a nightmare, chatting away off towards the door. Chanhee doesn’t even flinch at stepping in to calm him down, he never has, and it doesn’t take long for his heartbeat to lower and for the sound of the leopard hybrids soft voice to fight its way through the mud. He grasps onto the sound of sweet honey, feeling the waves of unease dissipate under the comforting hands and whispered words. 

“Good,” Chanhee murmurs, a soft quirk of his lips on his pretty face. "I've already talked to both of them, sweetheart, I'm not going anywhere tonight. You don't have to worry."

A tiny sob fights its way out before he can really stop it, but all Chanhee does is hold him a little tighter, the fingers in his hair scratching at his scalp. Eric waves goodbye, with the promise of picking Chanhee up tomorrow night in the air as he steps out the door, Haknyeon letting it click shut with a soft noise. He's guided to his feed unsteadily, Chanhee wishing Haknyeon a goodnight quietly as he's ushered towards his room. 

He partly wonders when Chanhee figured out this was his room, but it doesn't matter as he crawls into bed and pouts at Chanhee as he putters around the room. 

"Patience, I need to find something to sleep in," Chanhee grumbles, rifling through Kevin's clothing as if it's his as well. They've never had problems with personal space, so Kevin just watches, waiting for Chanhee to come back to cuddling him. 

Not too long later, Chanhee is dressed in some comfortable pajama pants Haknyeon gave him, and Kevin notices belatedly that he's reaching for one of the shirts Haknyeon let him borrow. He lets out a low whine in distress before he can even stop himself, Chanhee turning around only to see Kevin's eyes fixated on the fingers gripping the clothing. 

"Not this one? Alright, I'm sorry," Chanhee soothes, carefully folding and putting the shirt back in the drawer. He relaxes only when Chanhee tugs on a random sweater, plopping into the bed beside him. They both make themselves comfortable, Chanhee sitting up against the headboard with Kevin's head resting comfortably in his lap. 

The fingers find their way back into his hair, scratching at his ears as Chanhee hums to himself. "I really missed you," he hears the other hybrid say, and he turns around so that he's facing Chanhee instead of the other side of the room. He pouts up at the leopard, pushing his head into the hands in his hair as if saying _I missed you too._ They both fall silent for a while after that, letting their minds wander with unspoken thoughts.

"I met a couple of really sweet people after we got separated," Chanhee mumbles, catching Kevin's attention. "Eric was one of them, but his roommate..." Chanhee trails off and Kevin notices with curious eyes the flush that blooms across his skin. He nudges Chanhee, big brown eyes wide and questioning as he points towards the pretty redness on his cheeks.

Pointing out the flush only seems to make Chanhee more nervous, and it nearly makes Kevin hiccup a laugh when Chanhee stutters over his next words. "Listen, Changmin is... he's just really cute and sweet. He takes care of me," the words trail off with a sweet sigh, and Kevin thinks he likes this look on Chanhee. He can't think of anyone more deserving in the world of a good, safe, happy life. "Younghoon too- that's Changmin's boyfriend, by the way-" 

Kevin huffs, poking Chanhee in the stomach until he meets his eyes. He's got an eyebrow raised, completely unimpressed, and Chanhee has the nerve to look offended. "What?"

He huffs, mouthing the word _boyfriend_ with confusion. As much as Chanhee deserves the world- how does he plan on getting in the middle of an established relationship? He doesn't really understand, and he just hopes Chanhee knows what he's doing.

"It's- it's complicated," Chanhee sighs, picking at his fingers. "But, yes Changmin and Younghoon are in a relationship, and _yes_ , they still try and take care of me to... like that. I'd love to introduce you to them at some point, I think you would like them a lot..."

Eventually, Chanhee trails off on a yawn, patting Kevin's head lightly. "I think we should get some sleep, you've had a long day today- and we have all day tomorrow, alright?"

Kevin pouts, but acquiesces in moving off of Chanhee to give him his space. They both settle into bed and he lets himself melt into Chanhee's embrace as his arms wrap around him. The feeling of the other hybrid's nose brushing along the line of his neck and his breath puffing out against his skin has him sighing, leaning his head to the side in a mostly unconscious show of submission. 

He misses when Chanhee would scent him, when they were younger. It became too much of a problem at the previous home though, the masters thinking it was weird and unnatural. So to have something now that's been denied from him for so long, it's almost overwhelming. 

Chanhee falls asleep first, his pointed ears twitching even in his sleep against Kevin's neck. It's only then, long after quiet snores started puffing out from Chanhee's lips, does he suddenly remember why Younghoon's name sounded familiar. He wonders, then, if it's the same Younghoon who owns the coffee shop, and if so, he owes the man an apology as well as a thank you. 

These thoughts haunt him for the majority of the night, and he sighs, turning over in Chanhee's arms. He watches his best friend sleep for the better part of a few hours, until way too late in the night, his eyes finally fall shut and he sleeps the rest of the early morning hours away. 


	8. a conversation (maybe its not our fault / baek yerin)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've got a heavier chapter here folks. Plot development and all. 
> 
> Warnings for descriptions of panic attacks as well as dark thoughts. As always, take care of yourself <3

Kevin starts to notice a change in Haknyeon about two weeks after his little reunion slash slumber party with Chanhee. The nurse is happier, livelier and just overall more upbeat- which isn't a problem, but it does leave him wondering just what it is that has Haknyeon so chipper. He keeps catching him smiling goofily at his phone for hours on end, a seemingly endless conversation going back and forth on the device. 

He doesn't push; he figures Haknyeon will talk to him if he wants to or whenever he's ready, but he does watch. And nonetheless, he's _happy_ that Haknyeon is happy, even if sometimes Haknyeon heads to work earlier on Tuesdays and stays out later on Sunday nights. He has Chanhee, and the leopard hybrid keeps him company more than anything these days.

Sometimes Haknyeon drops him off at Eric's apartment on the way to work, rushing into the lobby to pick him up later in the evening. He misses the looks Chanhee and Eric give the both of them as Haknyeon stutters out an apology, because he still thinks that Haknyeon apologizes too much for things he doesn't need to. Sure, he misses the nurse more often than not lately, but he doesn't get to control Haknyeon.

But today is another one of those nights, one where he's standing in the lobby of Eric's apartment building and starting to shiver as the cold air bleeds through the poorly insulated doors. Chanhee is by his side, doing his best to keep him warm as they wait for Haknyeon. The nurse had texted Eric, he's running a bit late again and he would be by to pick Kevin up shortly after 7- except now the clock on the wall says it's passing 7:30 and there's still no sign of Haknyeon. 

He's more worried than anything, although Chanhee is clearly fuming beside him based on the way his body is starting to shake. With a tug on Chanhee's jacket sleeve, he grabs his attention and cocks his head in question at the other hybrids mood. "Sorry, I'm just- why does he keep doing this? This isn't fair to you, he should at least say what's going on..." Chanhee sounds angry, a weird tone to his voice that Kevin isn't familiar with. 

"Don't huff at me, this is becoming too common," Chanhee grumbles, ears laying flat in agitation. Kevin rolls his eyes, but truthfully, it _has_ been making him wonder things. He finds that late at night, his mind starts to wander with a bunch of negative thoughts- has he done something wrong? Is he too much of burden on Haknyeon? Maybe the nurse just doesn't really want him around anymore, but he's too nice to say anything directly- all of these things just echo emptily in his mind. 

"I can hear you overthinking, pup," Chanhee sighs, opening his arms and the front of his jacket- a loud and clear invitation for Kevin to scoot in close. And he does; he melts into the embrace with a tiny sniffle he tries to hide, because he really doesn't want to start crying now. "Do you want me to say something? When he gets here I mean, because he really can't keep doing this to you.." Kevin shrugs, a weak little motion that barely has anything to it.

It's yet another opportunity for him to be angry with himself for having fallen silent all those years ago- it would be so much easier if he could just make himself _talk_. He hates knowing that other people have to speak for him, or that a lot of the time, other people don't understand his forms of communication. It's stressful, and only serves to be another burden in a mountain of hurdles, but it's one he caused himself. 

Chanhee hums a little tune, something to keep Kevin's mind in place as they wait- it's almost tempting to go back upstairs, into the warmth of Eric's apartment, but just as they decide to do as such, the lobby door swings open and in comes Haknyeon. 

"Shit, Kevin- I'm so sorry, I keep running late and-" Chanhee steps forward, cutting Haknyeon off mid recycled apology speech. He almost feels bad, the defeated look on Haknyeon's face nearly enough to make him reach for the other man, but he's determined to let Chanhee handle it for now. So he lets himself be led towards Haknyeon's car, lets Chanhee buckle him in safely in the front seat, and sits with his head leaned against the cold glass of the window. 

The driver door opens before too long, but instead of Haknyeon climbing in immediately, Chanhee stops him. "I don't know what it is that you've got going on- but you either need to explain it to Kevin, or it needs to stop. This isn't fair, and as willing as I am to pick up whatever pieces of Kevin you decide to break apart, I really shouldn't have to." 

Kevin does his best to tune out the sound of Chanhee ranting, but it's hard when the other hybrid sounds like he's on the brink of tears from anger. Haknyeon looks a bit shell shocked as well, so it's hard to even look at him either. So he keeps his eyes closed with his head against the window, trying to ignore the way the cold is seeping into his skin. 

Eventually, Chanhee deems Haknyeon has had enough of his rage and calls out a soft goodbye to Kevin before letting the door close with a deafening thud. It's silent, and awkward, in the car as Haknyeon mulls over the words thrown at him. He knows he wants to say something now, but when Haknyeon starts to speak, Kevin shakes his head and turns away- ending all chances of conversation right now.

Chanhee's words had sunk in, and they had hit hard- he's really unsure of what exactly is even going on anymore. His thoughts and reality are mixing together and he can't seem to distinguish between the harsh voices in his head and what’s real. The car ride passes in tense silence, Kevin all but throwing himself out onto the sidewalk the second they are no longer in motion. 

There’s a stinging behind his eyes he refuses to acknowledge, tears spilling over unbidden as his entire body droops with sadness. He ends up huddled against the wall outside Haknyeon’s apartment as he waits for the nurse to catch up, to come out the key code in- one he was never meant to have, another reminder of the temporary arrangement. He refuses to meet Haknyeon’s eyes as they enter into the apartment, immediately going to lock himself in his room for the night- but Haknyeon is faster, and in a flash, there’s the distinct feeling of fingers gripping at his wrist. 

The panic response is unconscious and definitely beyond his control, ears flattening down as his entire body stiffens from fear at the sudden grip. As soon as the hand appeared, it’s already gone, Haknyeon’s frantic apologies bubbling over the low whining sound he’s barely aware he’s making. He can’t seem to shake the feeling of terror and distress from himself even after Haknyeon steps away, giving him space. 

“Fuck, I’m so sorry- Kevin, please, I didn’t mean it-“ Haknyeon sounds just as terrified as he is, and it’s the only thing that manages to catch his attention through the panic. He lets out a whimper before he can help it, reaching out for the nurse- he can’t take it, can’t handle knowing Haknyeon is hurting. Haknyeon shakes his head, a disbelieving laugh spilling out before he can manage to trap it. “Oh god, you’re trying to comfort me- no, Kevin, please, I’m sorry.. I messed up, please don’t worry about me.”

His head hurts and there’s been too much going on today, the dull throb at his temples a reminder of the threat Chanhee had left behind earlier. Haknyeon seems to notice his trepidation towards further conversation and thankfully offers him an out easily enough. “We-... You should get some sleep, Kevin. We can- I’ll explain in the morning, but for now, you should rest... You’ve had a rough day.” 

_Thank you_. It’s all he can think as he turns tail and runs, hiding himself away in the pile of blankets on his bed. He’s still shaking from the remaining tendrils of fear gripping at him, and it’s frustrating. He knows Haknyeon really didn’t mean to scare him the way he had, and it makes him feel bad- like he overreacted. It’s hard for him to fight back the urge to crawl into Haknyeon’s bedroom and beg for forgiveness, to go looking for comfort wherever he can get it. 

He burrows himself deeper into his little blanket nest, curled up tightly and hidden away from the world. All of the day’s situations keep replaying in his mind like a horror film on loop, one where he knows how it ends but he still can’t escape the torture. Eventually, he falls asleep like that, curled up in a tight little ball with his tail wrapped securely around himself, the sad little line of tear tracks dried into his skin and with a longing for comfort he can’t give himself. 

—

The next morning, Kevin wakes with a pounding headache at his temples serving as a reminder of the day before. He's definitely not looking forward to what the day is going to bring, but he can already hear Haknyeon making noise in the kitchen, so he thinks it's only fair that he emerges from his little cocoon of safety. He makes his way out of his room still wrapped in one of the blankets from his bed, his ears held low and flat against his head in nervousness.

When Haknyeon turns to meet his eyes, he notices the nurse looks rough- bloodshot eyes and dark circles marring his features that make it look almost as if he’d been through a war. It makes him think maybe he wasn’t the only one drowning in their pain throughout the night. Breakfast ends up being a mostly quiet affair, both of them more pushing their food around than eating it, shy glances barely spared towards each other. It’s awkward, and it only makes Kevin feel more uncomfortable towards the conversation to come later, so he slinks back in his little blanket and tries to blink back the ever-present threat of tears stinging his eyes. 

Haknyeon speaks up for the first time while he clears the plates away, dropping their used dishes in the sink to be dealt with later. “I’m sorry, Kevin, I really am.” He flinches at the defeated voice, a tone he’s so entirely unused to in Haknyeon’s usually bright speaking tone. 

He waits, then, for Haknyeon to meet his eyes again, but to no avail. The nurse is hunched over the sink, knuckles white in their grip on the counter, and at the sight- Kevin feels a piece of himself shatter. He’s on his feet before he can question himself, wrapping his blanket around Haknyeon carefully. He’s leaving the other man an out- in case he doesn’t want this, doesn’t want the comfort from him. 

The out is never taken though, Haknyeon melts into the warmth with a shaky exhale that sounds more like a sob than anything. “I’m so sorry,” Haknyeon manages, eyes squeezed shut tightly. “I’ve been treating you so poorly these last couple of weeks, and I’m so sorry for that. I used Chanhee being around as an excuse for me to be gone more- I never even considered how that would look to you.”

He tries not to let the emotion in Haknyeon’s voice take him over, not now when they need to have this conversation. Someone needs to stay clear headed, and if it’s him this time- well, he hopes he can do his best to help Haknyeon through it. 

They end up making their way to the little couch in the living room, a place that’s seen so many tears in such a short time. Haknyeon’s fingers trail over the material of the couch, plucking at a loose string as he gathers his thoughts; Kevin just watches. He watches and waits and offers only a gentle squeeze on Haknyeon’s hand as they sit, giving him the space he knows the other needs. 

“I’ve been seeing someone, had been for awhile- but when everything happened and you moved in, I kind of... I let things slip away, because I had you to take care of,” Haknyeon starts, voice low and quiet. “This isn’t to say that I’m blaming you, or even that I’m upset you are here, so please- don’t take it that way.”

Kevin nods, looking down at his lap for a moment. Even after Haknyeon’s reassurance, he can’t help but feel somewhat responsible for everything- he had kept Haknyeon away from so much. It isn’t his chance to fall apart now, though, so he resolutely keeps his tears at bay as he meets Haknyeon’s eyes with a wobbly smile in encouragement. 

“But once Chanhee was back- I saw how much you clung onto him. And selfishly, I thought maybe you didn’t need me as much anymore, so it wouldn’t hurt for me to rekindle my relationship. I’ve been staying late after work, or going in early, to spend time with my boyfriend- and for all of the times I stayed too late, or I forgot things, for that I am sorry.” Haknyeon sighs. “I kept making excuses for why I was always running late, but really it all falls back to I thought you wouldn’t even notice, which in hindsight is stupid, and I should have known better.”

It all makes sense, in a way, now that Kevin has a sort of idea as to what’s been going on with Haknyeon. He remembers back to that first shopping trip, that day where Haknyeon snuck a few personal items into the cart, and he thinks maybe he should have seen something like this coming. He’s not angry with Haknyeon for wanting to spend time with his partner- far from it. But it does sting a little bit to think that the nurse thought he didn’t need him anymore. 

“I became careless, which led to me showing up later and later, and while I was happy to spend time with Sunwoo- well, I deserved what came last night. Chanhee was a welcome reminder that I was being selfish, and it led me to a long night of thinking about things.” Haknyeon continues, sounding tired and world weary. "And... in that time thinking, well-"

Haknyeon cuts himself off with a heavy sigh, reaching out for Kevin's hand. With both of their hand's between them, Haknyeon meets his eyes with a sad smile, one that has Kevin's mind running a mile a minute. 

"I think that it's time we find you somewhere else to live, a more permanent solution. I can't be selfish while also knowing I'm leaving you behind, it's not fair to you, and I'm sorry I had to hurt you before realizing it." There's a rushing in his ears after the first words are spoken, their harsh reality settling back in with a violent force. It's like he's been doused in cold water, the words _find you somewhere else to live_ repeating in his mind over and over and over again until he has to fight the urge to claw at his skin. 

Haknyeon doesn't want him here anymore, the lesser part of his brain clings to. It sinks in and festers, an insidious little thing that he knows is going to haunt him for ages. But he has to do his best for Haknyeon, he shouldn't burden the nurse with anything else- so he plasters a weak and shaky smile onto his face and nods. He can pretend it's not tearing him apart, the idea of living somewhere else- the idea of moving into a stranger's home. 

All he can hope for is that no matter where he ends up, that Haknyeon can have his time again; time to spend freely with his Sunwoo. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Please, feel free to yell at me for this one. I deserve it.))


	9. decisions - (someday ; pentagon)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a longer chapter here at around 3.4k, but not necessarily my favorite of them all. But! More Necessary Plot development had to happen, and in order for the story to progress, we needed some MoonBae moments yes? Everyone say welcome back Jacob.

It’s awkward around the apartment for the next couple of days, both of them distinctly aware that the future is about to change. Kevin lives constantly on edge, afraid that at any moment Haknyeon will tell him it’s time for him to go, and it makes him exhausted. He’s sleeping less, he barely even wants to leave the house- it’s gotten to the point where Chanhee is making his way to Haknyeon’s apartment during the day, instead of him traveling. 

He selfishly finds himself missing when things were easier, before Haknyeon had started coming home less; but then he finds himself angry that he’s even thinking such. Why should he wish unhappiness on Haknyeon because he’s been left behind? Especially when he knew from the start it was temporary. Foolishly, he thinks that he believed he could convince Haknyeon to let him stay. 

He can hear, sometimes late at night, when Haknyeon calls around through his connections and friends, hoping to find a home for him. The nurse always sounds so stressed, and it makes him hate the space between them even more, but he also can’t quite bring himself to pretend so wholeheartedly that everything is fine- not in front of Haknyeon. He’s hurting, and he spends most of his time curled up in his bed under the mountain of blankets, the barely there scent on Jacob’s shirts keeping him calm. 

Sometimes he finds himself wondering what the other human is like, if he’s as sweet to the core as his scent is. He’s got no reason to dislike the other man, far from it even, considering their first and only meeting; but is he truly, deep down, good? He hopes so- it wouldn’t be fair for such an all encompassing scent of warmth to be attached to someone cruel. 

With a sigh, the drags himself out of his torturous thoughts of the unknown and wanders into the kitchen. Over the sound of his bare feet padding across the floor, he can hear Haknyeon chatting to someone in his room, but he chooses to tune out the sound. He prides himself on not eavesdropping on the other man, on anyone, because he always wants to give that sense of privacy. But he can hear everything, loud and clear, as Haknyeon sighs in frustration, evidently another option falling through. 

He’s in the middle of rifling through the cabinet for a snack when Haknyeon shuffles into the small kitchen behind him, a heavy sigh on his lips. He almost reaches out to pull the nurse into a hug before he stops himself, uncertainty and distrust holding him back. Nothing’s been the same since that night, when Haknyeon’s fingers had gripped right around his wrist like a chain- it had sent him reeling, far back into the depths of his trauma; something he’s not sure he can escape on his own. 

He finds himself missing the weight of Haknyeon’s hands in his hair, scratching at his scalp as they watch a movie. He misses the way Haknyeon’s nails pressed into the dense fur on his ears, where they scratched at the spot until he was nearly purring with happiness. He misses when he felt carefree with Haknyeon, when he wasn’t on edge and ready to bolt at the nearest opportunity. He only hopes that at some point, they can reach that safety again; he doesn’t want to have lost his comfort with Haknyeon forever. 

“Is Chanhee coming over today?” Haknyeon speaks up, breaking the tense silence. He startles at the sudden voice, fur bristling momentarily before settling back down at the soft tone. He shrugs, because really he’s not sure; at any point, Chanhee has made himself comfortable with showing up whenever he wants. Kevin always lets him in, eager for the warmth and comfort the other hybrid brings, and even more eager for the sweetness of having company. 

“Well, you know you’re welcome to let him in if he comes by...” Kevin tunes out the words Haknyeon is mumbling, not out of rudeness but more out of the fact he’s heard the same thing a dozen times now. They’ve both mostly been operating on auto-pilot recently which leads to a lot of the same things, so he just nods and smiles when applicable and stares down at his hands for the rest of the time. “I’m still looking, for someone to... you know what I mean. I’m sorry it’s taking so long,” Haknyeon sighs, the frustration in his voice nearly palpable. 

He nearly snorts at the idea that Haknyeon is having trouble finding him a home- he can hear the way the nurse describes him, his needs. None of it is untrue, although most people aren’t looking to house a defunct hybrid that can’t speak or fend for itself. He can almost imagine the stunned silence that follows after each _“Well, he’s nonverbal...”_ and _“He can’t work, no, he needs a little bit of extra care....”_ that he can hear through the walls. He’s sure it’s almost always followed by a _“Well, maybe he’s not the right fit here...”_ or something of the sort. 

And truthfully, he can’t blame anyone. He does need the extra help, even if it’s something as simple as needing reassurance more, or slower hands and fewer touches. He needs someone to put the effort in, and the few that had seemed willing at first were inevitably put off by the addition of Chanhee’s presence. Bless Haknyeon’s heart for making sure that his future owner will know he’s a package deal, Chanhee all but etched to his side and vice versa. But one hybrid is enough, two is out of the picture for most. 

So they both pretend that it isn’t awkward, that they aren’t waiting for the other shoe to drop, that they aren’t both going into this blind. Haknyeon tries, so Kevin tries. He tries to be good and silent, careful around the house as to not cause a disturbance. He keeps the apartment clean, doesn’t make a mess for Haknyeon to clean up. He even sometimes has meals waiting for the nurse when he gets home, tucked in the microwave with a note Chanhee always writes for him stuck to the side. 

They have a system, and so far so good. 

—

When Chanhee first finds out that Haknyeon is planning to rehome Kevin, more like a stray dog than anything else, he’s heated. It takes everything in him to hold Chanhee back from giving Haknyeon a piece of his mind- because deep down, they both know it’s best for all of them. So Chanhee watches, waits, cares for Kevin when he needs it; he’s overall the rock Kevin has always needed in his life. 

“If all else fails, I’m sure Eric would let you stay with us...” Chanhee mumbles one day, claws scratching idly at Kevin’s scalp. There’s a low contented rumble echoing from his chest, and he doesn’t even bat an eyelash at the words uttered above him. He knows without a doubt that Chanhee would find him a way to stay with them if it came down to it, so he’s only so worried about the whole thing. 

“But I think I heard from Eric that Haknyeon might have a last ditch plan- apparently one of his good friends’ roommates just moved out. So, who knows? Maybe it’ll work out there?” Chanhee sounds cautiously hopeful as he plays with the steadily growing out strands of hair on Kevin’s head. He’s in a desperate need of a haircut, but he’s so tense around others that even Chanhee hasn’t been able to take a pair of shears to his overgrown hair. 

He only perks up slightly at the idea that Haknyeon might have a plan after all- a jolt of nervousness running through him. It’s the uncertainty of it all; he at least got to know Haknyeon at the hospital first, but now he’s expected to just move in with a stranger? The idea scares him more than he’d like to admit, so more often than not he finds himself drowning in his worries, ideals of worst case scenarios rippling through his mind like a storm covered ocean. 

“You’ll always have me, you know that,” Chanhee whispers, the calm in the eye of the storm. His voice always sinks in when he needs it the most, a life raft that gives him just enough hope to weather the other half of the nightmare. There’s always sun after the rain clears, and he does his best to hold onto that. 

They end up watching movies until long after the sun sets, tangled together on Haknyeon’s too-small couch as the room dims to match the darkness of the outside world. Too lazy to turn on a light, the brightness that comes when the door buzzes open as Haknyeon makes his way inside is nearly blinding. As he blinks the bright fluorescent lighting out of his eyes, he hears Haknyeon speaking- on the phone, based on the sheepish and apologetic smile he offers the two of them. 

He can’t make out much of the phone call aside from the fact that Haknyeon seems excited, and he chalks it up to him calling his boyfriend, tuning out the rest. Chanhee’s arms tighten around him, the weight of his tail draped across his hip lulling him back to the easy calmness of half awake-ness. 

Evidently they end up falling asleep like this, because some time later he’s shaken awake by Haknyeon. Just beyond the nurse’s form, he can see the credits rolling on the tv and with a yawn that showcases his little canines, he turns in Chanhee’s arms to wake the other hybrid up. “Eric will be here shortly for Chanhee,” Haknyeon murmurs, sounding a lot more chipper than days past. He wanders back towards the kitchen, only stopping to call over his shoulder right as Chanhee’s eyes blink open. “After he leaves, I have some news for you, some I think you’ll like to hear.”

Haknyeon disappears after that, the gentle click in the distance signaling the door of his room shutting. He shrugs at Chanhee’s questioning glance, because truthfully he doesn’t have any idea what it could be. But, with a resigned sigh, he urges Chanhee to his feet and helps him get his things ready, the leopard slipping his feet into his shoes just as there’s a knock on the door. 

Kevin bounds over to the door happily, throwing it open in expectancy of seeing Eric, but confusion blankets his features at the sight of Jacob. 

“Hi, Kevin,” Jacob calls, voice just as soft and sweet as he remembers. His scent hits him like a tank, and he struggles to suppress a shudder at the intensity of it all. With a soft smile laced with uncertainty, he steps aside to let Jacob in, wandering off to fetch Haknyeon. In the background, he can hear Chanhee and Jacob introducing themselves, and he can’t explain why, but he finds himself hoping beyond all belief that they will get along. 

He knocks on Haknyeon’s door, shuffling awkwardly as he waits. “What’s up? Chanhee leave?” Haknyeon peeks out, looking down the hallway. Kevin just simply shakes his head, points towards the room with wide eyes and ends up trailing behind Haknyeon as they head back down the hall. 

“Oh, Jacob, hey- you’re a bit early,” Haknyeon grins, enveloping the other man into a hug. Kevin watches, ears twitching as the two greet each other. Eventually, Chanhee grabs his attention again with a tug on his wrist, nodding towards the door. He nods, stuffing his feet into his own shoes as Chanhee calls out to the others. “We are going to go wait for Eric outside, alright?”

Haknyeon gives them a thumbs up, and they make their way into the dingy little hallway towards the elevator. “So that’s Jacob? He seems sweet,” Chanhee hums, looking at Kevin with an expression he can’t quite place. He rolls his eyes in response, jamming his finger into the down button with purpose. “He also smells familiar- I can’t quite place it though.”

A flush of heat ripples through his body, an embarrassed whine nearly spilling out of his lips. He knows that Chanhee can tell something’s up, and he’s proven correct when the other hybrid laughs loudly with an obnoxious grin on his face. “The shirts! That’s his scent on the shirt, the one you snapped at me about,” Chanhee giggles, softening the blow with a ruffle of his hair. 

He still pouts anyways, the elevator doors dinging open as they arrive at the lobby, spying Eric making his way inside just as they step off. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep it a secret,” Chanhee teases, leaving one last scratch at Kevin’s ears in consolation. He smiles at Eric, waves as they both head out into the night, a sudden wave of nervous apprehension flooding him once the lobby doors close behind them. 

He makes his way back upstairs rather unwillingly, unsure as to why he feels so on edge, but hoping it’s just a wrong feeling. He has to knock on the door to get back in, a dim reminder once again that this was never a permanent arrangement, and he doesn’t quite manage to knock the sullen look off his face when Jacob opens the door instead of Haknyeon. He cowers a bit under the other man’s determined gaze; he can’t even stop it from happening. And to his own chagrin, he watches those same eyes soften, their gaze warm and kind as he beckons Kevin inside. 

“C’mere, Kev,” Haknyeon calls softly, patting the couch as Kevin shucks off his shoes with shaking legs. His whole body is trembling as he deposits himself on the couch, unintentionally sandwiching himself between Haknyeon and Jacob. Both of them look as if they want to comfort him, and he swears he sees Jacob’s fingers twitch where they are resting on his thigh, but at Haknyeon’s little cough to clear his throat, he looks up and meets his eyes. 

“So, I think- I think I found somewhere for you to live, if you think it can work,” Haknyeon starts, speaking directly towards Kevin. He’s not used to being the deciding factor in such major situations, but Haknyeon seems to like to keep him on his toes in that regard. Even still, his eyes widen in confusion, ears flattening down just a little bit as he waits for Haknyeon to speak again. “You know Jacob, you’ve met before when he came over about a month ago to get something from my room.” 

It’s stated much more as a statement than a question, so he finds himself nodding in answer before he can help it. He does know Jacob, and he’s surprised to see the other man so intent when he turns to glimpse at his frame sitting just beside him. The determined look is back in his eyes, however, and Kevin finds himself wavering in the intensity. 

“I’ll keep it short- Jacob needs a roommate, and, well, you need somewhere to live. He’s had other hybrids live with him before, so he has experience with some of your needs- and all of the previous hybrids had moved out of their own volition.” Haknyeon states, clearly and firmly. His mind still reels with the information, turning his wide eyes onto Jacob. Evidently, the question is loud and clear in his gaze, because Jacob simply offers him a smile before speaking up. 

“I really just don’t like living alone,” Jacob starts with a soft laugh. It reminds Kevin of distant church bells ringing, of happiness from his childhood. “But yes, I’ve had two other hybrids live with me in the past, and like Haknyeon said, they stayed with me until they were ready to leave. I’ve never asked for anything, I live comfortably on my own income, and I really just enjoy the companionship that comes from living with someone.” 

He pouts, an unconscious thing as his mind whirls with all the information, and he distantly hears one of the others coo at him over the expression. He _understands_ what they are saying, it all makes sense to him, but at the same time- it’s like his mind won’t fully digest any of the information. 

“Kevin,” Jacob’s soft voice calls, urging his gaze to meet his. “I want to help you, if you’ll let me. You wouldn’t be expected to do anything at the apartment, and your friend Chanhee would be welcome at any time- just like he is here.” Jacob sounds so soft and earnest, a strong determination underneath his words showing him that he means it all. It makes Kevin feel warm inside, as well as Jacob’s scent swirling around him so strongly. Haknyeon’s was never this strong, not even when he was feeling emotional of some sort- so it’s a struggle to hold himself back from gasping in lungfuls of the sweet scent. 

“I also... if you would be up for it; I would like to be able to help you learn, in the future. Reading, writing- anything you could want,” Jacob offers with a soft smile. Even still, he finds himself a bit overwhelmed and Haknyeon seems to notice at the same time Jacob does. 

“Just- take time to think about it, Kevin,” Haknyeon assures, holding his eyes. “We don’t want to force you into anything, but we both thought it might be a good option. And Jacob is willing to give it a try, if you are.”

He nods along, trying to at least show that he’s listening- but his head hurts and really all he wants to do is be alone to think it over. Realistically, he doesn’t have much of a choice- it’s been made clear he won’t be staying, and it’s also not as if anyone else is jumping at the opportunity to take him in. So, it doesn’t leave much option in the way of refusing their offer. 

With fidgeting hands and wide open eyes, he meets Jacob’s gaze and tries not to shrink under the beautiful intensity rippling in those chocolate irises. The human offers him a kind smile, one that makes his heart melt just a little bit, and he knows that he’s willing to at least go along with it for awhile. Maybe he can be just like the other hybrids Jacob has cared for in the past, independent and off on his own- and no longer draining someone unlucky enough to be stuck with him. 

All he wants to do is make the life he promised to live with Chanhee a reality, the two of them caring for themselves and living happily. He knows the leopard hybrid barely needs him right now, lucky enough to find everything he could want with his roommates, but their goals still exist- to create a life that doesn’t need any other person to hold them strong. 

So, with his mind resolutely made up to reach that level with Chanhee, he holds Jacob’s gaze with a firm nod. He’s willing to try, at least for as long as Jacob is, and he reminds himself in the back of his brain that he can find other options, if need be. And maybe, perhaps a tiny selfish little portion of himself preens at the idea of being surrounded by Jacob’s scent and allowing himself to be swallowed by the comfort. 

“You’re sure? We can give it a trial for a few weeks, and if everything seems to be working out- you are more than welcome to stay as long as you need,” Jacob confirms one last time; and really, Kevin is beyond grateful that Jacob seems to understand his incessant need for confirmation. It’s less forced when he smiles back at the sweet human, when he nods in agreement to confirm. He’s thankful as well for just Jacob’s overall attentiveness- for the opportunity to have a safe place to stay. 

He excused himself not too much longer after that, head spinning wildly with too many thoughts. It’s lead to a dull ache behind his eyes, a residual bit of stress clinging on, so it doesn’t take long for him to find himself dozing off as he curls up in the bedsheets. He has plenty of time to think about things in the morning, to let his mind wander freely about a future living with Jacob. A future living with the scent of his dreams filling his body with each breath. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Do not be fooled by Kevin's bravado here, it's all in the plan my friends. <3)


	10. lets move on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the random schedule change on posting, but from here on out its most likely going to have updates on Thursdays only, due to some things I'm dealing with personally. Hope you'll be patient with me <3
> 
> Please enjoy!

It doesn’t take long to pack up Kevin’s meager belongings, because aside from some clothing and a few beauty and health products, he doesn’t have much. Looking around the room he’s called home for a few months, all he sees now are the empty walls and the lack of decorations that had felt so hidden behind his other problems. He really has nothing, no personal items to call his own, no family keepsakes. 

He sighs, ears flattening out as he gives the empty room one last look over. As much as it’s been a trying time, he’s going to miss it here; living with Haknyeon has been a wonderful experience overall and he can never repay the nurse for the help he’s given. 

Jacob knocks on the door, pulling Kevin from the spiral of his thoughts, and he turns to see the pretty human leveling him with a soft gaze. “All ready to go, Kevin?” he hears, and well- it’s obvious he is, everything he owns packed neatly into a suitcase Haknyeon no longer needed, but he appreciates the tact. So he nods, let’s Jacob lead him down the hall and through the living room where Haknyeon is sitting on the very edge of the couch. 

As Jacob steps away to stuff his feet in his shoes, he steals Kevin’s suitcase in the notion of packing it away in the car. He knows that Jacob is really just trying to give them their space to say goodbye, but he’s thankful either way. 

“So, this is it,” Haknyeon mumbles, a disbelieving little laugh bubbling out. “I am so beyond thankful that I was able to be a positive outlook on your life, even if only for a short while, Kevin. And I hope you know I’ll miss you around here.”

He frowns, hands fidgeting at his sides until eventually he gives up and throws caution to the wind, throwing desperate arms around Haknyeon’s shoulders and dragging him in for a hug. He’s an emotional wreck, sniffling weakly as Haknyeon tucks his head in close to Kevin’s neck, holding on to him for as long as he’ll allow. 

They stay there for a few moments, wrapped up tight in each other as they both realize it’s the end of a chapter. It’s bittersweet, and when Kevin finally pulls away with a gentle squeeze at Haknyeon’s arms and the swish of his tail, they know they’ll be okay. 

Jacob comes back to collect him just after he leaves a goodbye kiss on Haknyeon’s cheek, and he allows himself to be lead down to Jacob’s little Jeep to start a new portion of his life. 

“I’m sorry this couldn’t be easier for you,” Jacob mumbles some time later, while they are sitting in the traffic of the inner city. He’s higher up in this car, and climbing in and out is harder than in Haknyeon’s little Prius- all in all, it’s blatantly different, something that has him fiddling with the seam of his pants in thought. As the world passes by him in slow motion, he tries to think about the fact that Jacob is good, that he’s okay with Jacob. 

But it doesn’t stop his mind from wandering to all of the worst things, flip flopping over whether Haknyeon didn’t want him there at all or whether it was a tough decision. With Jacob living so far into the city, it’s a different experience waiting for lines of traffic to move, leaving him with too much time on his hands and nothing to distract him but the bad thoughts. He wishes Chanhee was here already, a distant longing to feel fingers in his hair and nails scratching at his ears in comfort- he’s sure he could ask Jacob, but he’s not sure where he stands right now. 

Once they get through the worst part of the congestion, it’s a quick little ride home from there, even as Jacob apologizes quietly- as if the traffic was his fault. Kevin knows deep down that the apology goes deeper than that, that he’s sorry for all of the worst things Kevin has to deal with, so he does his best to give the other man a warm but shaky smile. When they finally reach Jacob’s apartment building, Kevin’s eyes blow wide at the sight of the structure going up, up, _up_ with no end in sight, and he wonders briefly what it is that Jacob does to afford such niceties in the city. 

He hopes to find out, a weird part of him longing to be close to Jacob in the ways he was with Haknyeon, and it’s a determination that seems to settle into his bones. So, with that fire underneath him, he scrambles out of the too-high Jeep into the parking garage Jacob’s building is adorned. They meet each other’s eyes with hesitant smiles as Jacob leads the way to the elevator, Kevin’s one little suitcase rolling sadly behind them. 

He’s got a new life to start now, and as the elevator rises, almost as endlessly as the building seemed, they stop on the 17th floor with a cheery little ding and for the first time in his life, Kevin wonders if he’s afraid of heights. When Jacob shows him into the apartment, whispers the keycode to him, and the door flies open to show massive windows and a view of the city around him- he thinks that can’t be it. There’s no fear as he rushes towards the wall of windows, careful not to touch as he peers down and around at the streets of the city. 

There’s a couch behind him, almost perfectly placed in the prime nap spot of all spots, turned just so if he sits a certain way he can stare out the window all day- and the thought nearly sends a shiver up his spine. He startles at Jacob’s little chuckle from behind him, turning with flushed cheeks to see the human watching him with fond eyes. 

“The view was one of the first things that drew me in too,” Jacob says in that ever so soft voice of his, always so gentle and kind. It’s one of the things that his mind clings to when he’s feeling a little bit lost, the fact that Jacob is just so gentle. He feels safe with him, which is a strange notion considering how long it took him to feel comforted by Haknyeon, but he wonders if it has anything to do with Jacob’s enticing scent. That scent that drenched the shirts Haknyeon lent him all those months ago, tucked in the back of his suitcase. 

“Do you want to see your room?” Jacob’s voice once again breaks through his thoughts. He nods and lets Jacob lead the way down the hallway off the front entrance, smiles when he points out the hall bathroom that he’ll have free range of, and almost gasps when Jacob eventually cracks open the door of the spare bedroom- his now. 

It’s massive, a huge queen sized bed lined up against one wall with a desk, a wardrobe and space for him to have more things- way too much space for him now, he thinks as he takes in the room with shock in his features. The bed is the most inviting thing of all, the wall of windows paling in comparison at the sight of the softest blankets he’s ever seen already piled up on the bed for him to dive into. 

“Haknyeon told me you liked to have extra,” Jacob hums, encouraging Kevin forward with a smile. He goes, let’s his fingers trail across the endless amounts of soft fabric to burrow into, and he can’t even help it when the low rumble of satisfaction starts up. It brings a little bubble of laughter out of Jacob, and puts a smile on Kevin’s face as well. He thinks he can be content here, even if the apartment is massive and brand new to him. 

“Come on, I’ll show you everything else and then I’ll leave you to settle in while we wait for dinner time, hmm?” Jacob leads the way further down the hallway, stopping briefly to show where his room is. Kevin finds himself looking around in awe at the pictures framed on ever surface, one of a little baby Jacob capturing his eyes. The overwhelming scent of Jacob is even stronger in here, in the bedroom where he spends most of his time clearly. There’s a well worn cushioned chair in the corner, a laptop on the desk beside it and a book left open and face down to mark his place. 

It feels very homey, despite the overall size of the apartment, and it’s obvious that it’s lived in and well loved and cared for. The kitchen is a marvel of its own, and when Kevin gets brave when Jacob goes to the bathroom and snoops in the cabinets, he finds a bunch of baking sheets and equipment that fill him with the nostalgia of his mother’s fresh cakes. It’s been years, way too long for the memory to still be as fresh as it is, but he swallows it down with a sigh and a last longing look at equipment he never learned to use. 

“Hyunjae left all of that here when he moved out, I guess,” Jacob speaks up, startling Kevin. He shuts the cabinet apologetically, ears dropping a bit in weary of being scolded. Jacob picks up on his unease quickly, offering a soft little smile. “Please don’t worry about looking through things, everything in here is as much yours as mine now. I won’t get upset at you for being curious.” 

The words ease just a little bit of his mindless anxiety, but even still he finds himself longing for just a little bit of peace. Thankfully, Jacob seems to recognize that and excuses him, leaving Kevin to make his way back to his new bedroom and flop back on the oversized bed. He eyes his suitcase in the corner, deciding to just get the little bit of unpacking done that he needs to before taking a little nap. 

It doesn’t take long to pull out all of his clothes, hanging them neatly in the wardrobe with a wistful sigh as his fingers cling onto one of Jacob’s shirts. He doesn’t care, and he surely can’t be bothered to, so without much thought he strips off his current shirt and tugs the soft and well-worn cotton over his body, an immediate calm seeming to wash over him. He knows it’s unhealthy, this weird one-sided attachment he has to Jacob already- but he figures that’s a problem for another time to deal with. 

For now, he’s content enough with the comfort the shirt gives him, more of a reminder of a memory at this point than direct scent, and curl up in the little bundle of blankets. The late afternoon sun blazes in, the bed placed nearly perfectly to capture those warming rays of light. It’s easy enough to fall into a short little nap like that, contented and sated in enough ways to truly enjoy the perks of it all. 

—

He’s woken up some time later to gentle knocks at his door, his head popping up as he blinks the sleepiness out of his eyes. “Are you hungry?” Jacob calls through the door, always managing to respect his boundaries easily enough. Kevin yawns, let’s out a little squeak at a really good stretch, and figures it’s time to join the other man for dinner. So he grabs his favorite of all the blankets and wraps it around his shoulders, tail hanging just underneath from where it sticks out, and throws the door open with a soft smile. 

Jacob levels him with a fond grin at the sight he makes, hair messed up from rubbing his face against the soft material. Even the fur on his ears is standing out, making him look fluffier and softer than normal. “You look like you slept well,” the human teases, walking back towards the kitchen to grab their food. Thankfully, if Jacob noticed the shirt he’s wearing, he doesn’t seem too inclined to point it out, and instead they share a quiet little meal sat on the couch. 

If many of their days go by like this, with the two of them existing around each other comfortably, Kevin thinks he could love it here. He just hopes everything stays going well, because he isn’t sure he can take being shipped out again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Updates *should* come on a bi-weekly basis, Tuesday's and Saturday's most likely, at around 11 AM EST. <3 
> 
> I may only post weekly if at any point I feel like I am draining myself with biweekly updates.


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